Friday, March 26, 2010

a new day and crazy love

My sweet bloggy friend Linny has been an inspiration to me in so many ways!
her blog is here : www.aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com
(sorry I can't get my make it a link button to work!)
This is an amazing family with such meek and humble hearts and a desire to help orphans like I have never seen before. She is having a Crazy love party. She is talking about giving above and beyond the tithe.

For Linny's blog party, those with needs are supposed to enter a post of their need. I am a far better giver than receiver so this is humbling and hard.
Dan and I have been married for 14 years. We have three bio kids and have two who have been blessed to our family through the gift of adoption. We recently(in case you are new here) adopted a third newborn. Within three days, his birthmom requested him back. It has been a challenge. A heartbreaking one!! The odd thing was, we were in the middle of an international adoption of two girls, 8 and 13. When the baby boy was born and needed a family immediately.
We have always gone to our interdenominational church "Victory life". It is an awesome body of believers that has several locations. (A huge and loving family of Godly people)
When we first got married, it was only a year before we found out we were expecting our first boy! Dan made not very much money, and it seemed our tithe was so much of the paycheck. But we had been taught, "you cannot afford NOT to tithe, do it and see God move" Be faithful with the little and he will make you rulers over much. Dan has been blessed with raises and promotions and Godly favor. He makes great money for our area, but due to circumstances (medical issues and such) we have no extra money really. It all has a place. We have been saving for the girls adoption, but just used a huge portion of that for bringing home a little one we did not get to keep. So now we are staring at nearly empty accts and wondering what do we do, and how do we do it. And that is just the money part! My emotions are shot. These two girls still are waiting for us, but their lawyer has just now said, "let's begin" We have been at this for 1 1/2 yrs!! I have no idea what to do. When God brought them up to me, I was so determined and so ready! When I said, what about the costs? HE said "freely you have given, and freely it shall be returned to you, pressed down, shaken together. . . . " We have had blessings(a great and cheap 12 passenger van! Clothes for girls! etc) But we are feeling so depressed we have about lost heart. I keep hearing "don't be weary in well-doing." But when we gave little Jackson back to his birthmom, we felt it was right, it was the meek, humble and selfless thing to do. But I also felt like, but Lord, what now?? We have always tithed, always given above and beyond to every need we could! Now I just feel as though MY heart has been pulled right out of my chest. We are looking to God for answers, direction, comfort and money. But we just have no idea what HE will do. I keep singing the Barlow girl song, "I believe in the sun even when it's not shining, I believe in love, even when I don't feel it, I believe in God, even when He is silent" So we are in wait and see mode. Listening and watching for His guidance and blessings and peace to show us where to go. If we receive any gifts of money they will go into that adoption acct. We are still hoping to get our girls home. We would like to hope That the little guys birthmom might change her mind, but not sure if it is selfishness or what on that one.
Our email address is
hezra_at_home@yahoo.com
so funny she has called this crazy love. I have been asked most often in our adoption journeys. "Are you out of your MIND?" hmm. Maybe so. Crazy loving is not such a bad thing when it gives a parent-less child a home though. Have a day filled with some crazy, chaotic, sweet loving!

7 comments:

Talley Images said...

oh, your story is heartbreaking... it made me breathe in deep... I will be praying for you - that God holds your heart in His palm.

Do you have a paypal account?

Leah W said...

wow. so sorry to hear about your hurts, God is there, somewhere, in all of this!

Liz said...

What an inspiring story!!! God is working in these areas my friend, i am sure of it!!

Please email me where i might send your family a little somthing...
thedarlings06@comcast.net

God Bless you!!
Liz

Hezra said...

Thank you so much ladies. We DO have a paypal acct set up with hezra_at_home@yahoo.com You are so sweet to reach out to us. We are so grateful for strangers who feel called to help us.

Mom Of Many said...

Hezra,
I am sooo sorry you lost your precious baby. How my heart aches for you...I pray God's peace...Sending love and prayers...xo

The Byrd's Nest said...

Praying for the finances to come Hezra. We never had the money for Emma either and it just came and not in the way we expected at all. God does have a plan my friend:) Love you.

Shonya said...

I came by your site from Linny's blog, and want you to know I am adding you to our prayer list. We, too, just had a failed adoption of a little girl who was born March 18, although we never took her home with us. We are waiting to see how much of the fees we paid will be retained by the adoption attorney. I just wanted you to know your story touched my heart and I support you and care for your loss.