Saturday, March 20, 2010

going to bat

OK I am just throwing this out there into cyberspace. I have to vent and have no other safe spot to do it other than my blog. I am crying now and have been off and on for the last 24 hrs. I have had to inform people of our new baby news, and understandably they are surprised. I get that. I am surprised. I would expect nothing LESS. What I am shattered by, though, is the quick judgments and harsh words and critical things that have been hurled at me IN surprise. It is so hard to deal with those who love you the most sometimes. When you all of a sudden think differently than they thought you did. I am just going to throw this out there-- WE love kids! We know there are kids who need homes. We KNOW we can't save them all. We KNOW it cost money to raise children. WE KNOW we are not perfect, rich or always stable and consistent. I do NOT see children from outside my genepool as "a gamble", a "blank check" or somehow less than me. And neither does God.
BUT that said.... We are aware of our imperfections. Please for heaven's sake do NOT point them out to us now.
I am so broken right now because the hardest thing for me ever is to feel misunderstood. I feel like people just think I go off and do crazy things without ever thinking them through. I DO!! I analyze things to death.
I don't expect everyone to adopt children. I know not everyone is called to that. And I don't judge others for NOT doing that. I would appreciate the same respect. It breaks my heart that I see a need that God has placed practically IN my lap, and gird up for filling that need, then get slapped around and questioned by people whom I trust with my heart. (um, no not the hubster by the way. lol he is fully in agreement with me on this)
I feel so frustrated that people say "there are so many people waiting for new baby's you shouldn't take him, let someone else." There IS NO ONE ELSE standing up to do it! This is HOW kids get families, someone stands up with papers in hand and says, I will do it!
I feel like we are in a game of life and there are moments when we all have to step up to the plate. So, here we are doing that. With our imperfect selves, our imperfect bank accounts, our less than organized home.... etc etc etc. But we step up and say, WE will go to bat for this one. Why is it so hard for them to understand that? I have no idea.

9 comments:

Lori said...

OH, Hezra. My heart hurts for you. It is sooo difficult to deal with those who misunderstand or just plain don't CARE to understand. Stand strong in your convictions, friend. God is paving the way for you. Be humbly surrendered before Him and you simply can't escape His grace.

Love you!

Chelsea Gour said...

Don't listen to single word of it! Our Father has a heart for adoption and anything you do, from sponsorship to mission work, to adoption is always the right thing! You and your family are doing an amazing thing by taking a scary leap of faith into the unknown to do what He has asked of all of us! "take care of the widows and orphans" I don't remember it saying "if you have enough money, or if you only have 1-3 other kids at home, or if you are perfect". Nope. He just said do it! Thank you for doing it!

Jean said...

Hezra-
I am sorry that you have to deal with those that are not exactly happy for you- it is frustrating... they just don't get it. I love your heart and your willingness to go to bat the children! It is what God has called you to do.

When I read your post this morning about the little boy I said to myself- I love this group of people. People that trust God and know it won't be easy but still step out of their comfort zone in obedience!

I applaud you!! You go girl and don't listen to the nay sayers!

susieloulou said...

Oh, you poor baby. That baby is so blessed to be joining your family! I only have five bio kids and I have had all the looks, remarks, raised eyebrows and sure, my standard of living (heck, I sent them to Christian schools, gasp!) is lower than my family who made different choices. But who would want to trade places with them? Not US!!! You go, girl!! Walking in the will of God - it doesn't get any sweeter!

Alicia said...

Don't listen to them. God has called you to do this, He's the only one you need to listen to!

I love you, my dear, sweet, wonderful friend and I will do whatever I can to help you!

The Byrd's Nest said...

Oh Hezra...I am so sorry these words have been said to you...you just keep doing what the Lord has called you to do. You know the other day I was thinking...I would love to hear all of your adoption stories. Obviously, you are really busy right now..wink wink...I really need to go back through your whole blog...maybe after language school I will have more time. I pray all the time for the Lord to open the door to adoption for us again...you never know...maybe in Mexico...Praise the Lord your heart and mind are always in tune and open to hear what He is telling you my friend! Congratulations!

LesleyReid said...

I'll take a few :) Girl! Folks are wrong and ya can't change them I am so proud and excited for you, your doing the work that often gets unnoticed and you are LOVED!

Les

Misty said...

Sweet, amazing Hezra!! I love you & Dan...and your children..and weren't we all adopted, into the family of God?! I think you and your family are amazing..and doing what you are called to do! What God would have you to do. I believe any children now or in the future that you adopt or birth into your family...is blessed, as well as..a blessing!! God bless the whole Moore family!! I am so proud to call you friend!!

The Source said...

Hezra, I'm just now reading your posts from last week, and when I saw the top one this morning, I had to make myself scroll all the way down and start with the big surprise!

I'm really happy for you and proud to "know" someone with such a huge heart for children. Hang in there and know that you're doing what God wants you to do. I can't wait to hear all about your new little one.