Sunday, June 14, 2009

Mixed nuts

I have always known that I come from a long line of completely insane individuals. All individual in their insanity too. Yet, my brother and I have gained a sense of humor (and we joke that we are actually, secretly adopted because we act nothing like our parents-mom says we are Frasier and Niles ahh well there are worst things to be) Lately though, I realize there are a bunch of mini- nuts surrounding me.  And the giant nut known as Daddy here. I did a completely stupid but necessary thing. I took three kids (while two were in their summer theater class) to a store. I had a few very specific items. It really should be a short trip. It was not. We enter. Moriah decides she is going to beg for walking privileges(AKA not sitting in cart). I see big brown eyes looking *almost* tearfully cute. I cave. "okay but stay close to me and OBEY."(that may have sounded a little like a hiss but I can't be certain.)  Isaiah decides as soon as we enter to head to the toys. Which has us all running like thoroughbreds at a starting gate already schreeching "Isaiah!" We collect him, give the speech, give the  "if it happens again. . ." Then begin our modern day  hunting and gathering. swimsuits for girls: check check. school stuff:check check. kid shampoo:check check. No honey we don't need toilet paper. To which she screeches YES WE DO NEED TOILET PAPER. to which I hiss, there is extra in the hall cabinet at home! I promise. SHHHHHHHH!  where was I? um, bread. . .check check. oh dear, Lord in heaven, the bread is by the cookies and doughnuts and all other gooey delights and why the heck are they at KID HEIGHT!? Why can't they store that stuff on the top shelf? So I become like an octopus and a soccer goalie all in one. Fielding the sweets and stuff from our cart and fending off whines at the same time. When I feel we have made it, I run with the cart and say HURRY we have to go get the others from class!!! We check out. The boys decide while I check out, they are going to check out stuff. Medicine? Why does that have to be by the check out?? Seriously.  They are touching so much stuff. . . handling the toys. . . I feel like the security cameras are probably zooming in on what they assume to be two mini cleptos(spelling?) . My patience is thinner than paper. I feel anxiety welling. . . I pay and herd my herd of turtles to the van.(by the way, when IN a store-- they move so fast in 5 different directions all screaming HEY MOM LOOK AT THIS! all the freaking time! But then get them out of the store where you want them to kind of hurry to the car-- they drag their feet and moooove sooo sloooowly. What is up?Anyway, we get to the car. I throw in stuff. Buckle those who can't do it for themselves. And we are off. We pick up the other two and head for home. I sigh with relief, then realize we have a baseball game in an hr! That one gets his gear together and I start unpacking our goods. There were TONS of unauthorized purchases! Three kinds of cookies, and a bag of giant orange circus peanuts for starters.  Sheesh. Well, make the best of it. We had milk and cookies for snack. HEY! I sound like June Cleaver for a minute there. Ok, so I feed them and get them to the game. I sink in my folding chair and watch the littles play with their friends in the dirt, and the big kid starts warming up. Dad arrives later. I was so relieved to see him, I leaned over and started telling him(quietly) about my awful trip around town and the store.  I said, then the kids even threw in what appears to be a 2lb bag of circus peanuts!!! We move on. The kids lose their game royally. We gather our dirty offspring and load them into the two vehicles. When I finally manage to get all of them bathed or showered(I swear Isaiah needed one of each!), and read to. etc etc. . . I sit to check email. Dan, though, was opening cabinets and banging them shut. He looked more and more frustrated. I said "honey what are you looking for?" He said, the peanuts. I said what?? He said "the nuts you bought today?"   "I did NOT buy nuts today!" He said, "YOU said you accidentally bought party nuts"  I said, "um, are you drunk?"  He laughed and said, "NO! Maybe you said the kids threw them in."   ahhhh, realization hits.  hee hee. I said, "um, NOT party nuts, CIRCUS Peanuts-- you know the big orange sugary things?" Big Man looks all dejected. Oddly the same sad brown eyes Moriah gave me earlier that day.  "oh, you mean they aren't really nuts at all?"(seriously, was that a whine??)  "um,nope, but YOU, my dear ARE a nut!"  I am living in a great big can of mixed nuts. and most of the time it does kind of feel like a party. And no I did NOT let them eat the whole bag today. But if I did, I should clarify that between 5 kids they don't , or wouldn't get that many anyhow.  probably.

5 comments:

Lori said...

Hee hee! I'm sure things will settle down greatly once you add two more! LOL!!!

Alicia said...

Oh, my dear, sweet friend. I have that problem with TWO! I don't know how the heck you do it with FIVE.

It sounds to me like you could use some chocolate. :)

LesleyReid said...

You sooo need to make that one a children's BOOK Hez! Too FUNNY and so entertaining-lol.
Les

Mom Of Many said...

Love the story...I can so relate...why is it that they move in all different directions in the store and they move into "park" when they hit the parking lot?? xo

anymommy said...

I hate going to the store with my kids - hate it! Except that it takes a long time, we can fill a whole afternoon. It rarely goes well, though. I'm laughing with you.