Saturday, January 24, 2009

feeling down

I really don't feel like writing today. I am discouraged. I know, this is probably part of the "process" of adoption. Feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed. I figure it needs to be seen and I need to deal with it-- and since I do that by writing. . . here it is.
The news is, there IS no news. I have a giant stack of homestudy paperwork to fill out, and 10 hrs of a training video with online tests to do, and $$$$ to pull together. A fairy Godmother with a magic wand would be handy about now. We are trucking through our spanish, but still feeling, um, not so bilingual. I have no updates about the girls, no pictures.
My sweet hubby though, who has every right to say this idea is nutso, simply says, "you were created for this Babe! No backing down." Not that I necessarily WANT to back down, but I am getting a little weary. The laundry piles, the messy bedrooms, the unmade beds, and the unfinished schoolwork, leaves a mamma feeling like her day was futile. I have the truth though. I KNOW my kids learned new things, we enjoyed the weird warm weather outside, we danced our tutus off, we baked, we giggled, we did haircuts and polished nails and grew crystals. We learned our first bible verse in Spanish and our first Hymn(Esta Aqui, Esta Aqui, aleluja mi Senor Esta Aqui-- E said is sounded like, I sing off key, I sing off key. . .lolol) We read awesome books and had playtime with our circle of friends. We ministered to loved ones at the hospital and hugged and prayed with strangers. So even though to the world's eyes, we may not have accomplished alot, in God's eyes we made so much progress. I suppose I just need to renew my mind and continue to get HIS perspective on this mountain that stands in the way. The confusion, the money, the worry. . . he is so much bigger than those things. So. I will have a brownie and coffee with the kids. A hot bath, and keep praying for HIS will to be done, HIS kingdom to come, and give my burden over to Him.

3 comments:

Alicia said...

You were created for this.

And your day sounds SO much more productive than mine!

LesleyReid said...

Oh Hez, This is why I love you so much friend~ You are so FAITHFUL and you just keep on going! I am praying for you my sister, having being where you are at before I truly know how you feel *helpless* and the fact of the matter is...that is a great place for the Lord to do his work thus, why these adopted babies are such MIRACLES anyway. Ah!!! We need a visit we miss our Moore's.
Les

*Overflowing* said...

My precious friend you have someone better that the fairy godmother...you have the CREATOR of the universe. The One who's heart for the orphan aches much deeper than ours...HE is protecting your girlie's and HE will give you the strength for this journey!!! I am praying and when you feel weary...lift your eyes up unto the mountains...your Creator is waiting for you to leave this at His feet so HE can bear this journey. We were not created to journey this life alone...we NEED Him! I know you know all of this...just wanted to remind you...love ya, stacy