God has had me listening to "I believe" over and over today. (Barlow Girl) "I'm feeling doubt and losing faith, but giving up would cost me everything. . . . I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. I believe in God, even when he is silent. I believe" "I stand in the pain and the silence and I'll speak to the dark night. . . . . I believe!"
I am feeling like the sun is not shining. I am feeling like every time I try to love I feel so vulnerable. And I feel like God is silent for the moment. But I do believe the sun still is there- showing HIS faithfulness. I believe that love is not an easy choice, and it does make us vulnerable, but without it we are not even living.And certainly not knowing God(for God is love!) I have chosen to follow God and love two little girls I have not even SEEN. I have missed their 8th and 13th birthdays! My heart breaks for them not knowing a mother's love or a fathers protection. I have opened my heart to be broken. But I know in my weakness HE is made strong, and HE will be glorified. And "though hope deferred makes the heart sick, when the desire comes it is a tree of life". So my heart is sick at the moment, but He will heal it. And even thoughI feel He is silent, I know He has led me and will continue to light my path one step at a time. My trust in Him is nt easy, but I know His love will cast out all my fear, and He will bring the desires of my heart to pass. We are not forgotten. I believe!