Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I believe

God has had me listening to "I believe" over and over today. (Barlow Girl) "I'm feeling doubt and losing faith, but giving up would cost me everything. . . . I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. I believe in God, even when he is silent. I believe" "I stand in the pain and the silence and I'll speak to the dark night. . . . . I believe!"
I am feeling like the sun is not shining. I am feeling like every time I try to love I feel so vulnerable. And I feel like God is silent for the moment. But I do believe the sun still is there- showing HIS faithfulness. I believe that love is not an easy choice, and it does make us vulnerable, but without it we are not even living.And certainly not knowing God(for God is love!) I have chosen to follow God and love two little girls I have not even SEEN. I have missed their 8th and 13th birthdays! My heart breaks for them not knowing a mother's love or a fathers protection. I have opened my heart to be broken. But I know in my weakness HE is made strong, and HE will be glorified. And "though hope deferred makes the heart sick, when the desire comes it is a tree of life". So my heart is sick at the moment, but He will heal it. And even thoughI feel He is silent, I know He has led me and will continue to light my path one step at a time. My trust in Him is nt easy, but I know His love will cast out all my fear, and He will bring the desires of my heart to pass. We are not forgotten. I believe!


LesleyReid said...

I remember standing in my living room, at night, all alone when everyone was in bed, the day over and looking out in the dark outside the front window and WONDERING Heavily what was going on in little Sara's mind CLEAR ACROSS THE WORLD, knowing already that she had a family and parents coming to get her~ my heart was so...sick and knew I had a JOB but, could not get there until it was TIME! I was anxious when I needed to have peace, I was tired and exhausted when all I needed was a NAP and some prayer time all in all I KNOW what you feel at this stage in your adoption- I DO FRIEND!
I would look at the moon and realize we were looking at the same moon- we are connected and she is my GIRL and I knew it and felt it from the very moment God begin that work in us and in her.
Love ya,

Jean said...

My prayers are with you and your 2 daughters that have not yet joined your family- hoping it all happens soon. The wait is so hard and they should be home with their family.
Blessings to you,