Feeling really down today. It has taken me forever to fill out this application.Almost a month! Now I see why though. This week, my husbands new trial position was made permanent. AND his raise was made even larger! This would have totally changed our financial sheet, so I am glad we had not done that one yet. This is a big time blessing. HUGE. So amazing to see God work miracles. This type of thing does not usually happen at that place!
The verse that keeps coming to my mind is : "why so down cast oh my soul. Put your hope in God." There is just so much. . . my father has had a report of a spot on one lung they want to biopsy. My mom thinks she is having heart issues again. So, I know I am feeling challenged in those things. Then the marriage front. It seems every time an adoption or new baby has come our way, the marriage gets so attacked. It is disheartening and lonely. Even when I KNOW I am not wrestling with flesh and blood. Then the homefront. YIKES! the math is lie this. .. 5 kids+1 (organizationally challenged husband)+ 1 creative and perfectionistic mom+2 big dogs= one really cluttered (but creative) home. I feel I ought to be an organizational makeover "before". So, the idea of having a homestudy soon is um, daunting. lol
OH!! Speaking of homestudy. . . we originally thought we had to have a Hague accredited agency. So we contacted the people who had done our two previous homestudies. They are NOT yet Hague accredited because they are still new as an agency, and don't have the budget for it yet. There are no other options in MY area! I was discouraged of course. Then I talked to our Ms Maria, and she said they don't have to be, as long as they followthe guidlines of the Hague standards. YAY!! This means, in short, that we can have our homestudy, and postplacement visits by the same people!(MEANING only an updated homestudy--cheaper!!!!) We won't have to have a whole NEW one start to finish, just updated information! WAY easier for everyone and did I mention cheaper? lol
I am praying for these girls so much. Every time, I am moved to tears and can't even imagine the meeting of them!!
ok, so my house may be a mess, my marriage may be not what I want it to be, and things may be a little crazy and chaotic. . . but I know this! God has enlarged my heart and my home and HE will bring these things about.

I have a crazy tradition(ok weird thought process), every time I find out about a possible new baby(or kid!). I make a quilt. I was looking for bedding at Ross, Target, and Walmart. AND overstock. Yet couldn't find anything that seemed right(or priced right for FOUR girls!!) I finally looked at fabric and thought. . . hmmmm. I could MAKE them blankets for less and they would be more special. So I found the sheets that were just right and fabric and I will post pictures as I get them. For some reason making a blanket for each kid, is my favorite thing. It means home, snuggles and MOM. Curl up with a good book and just BE at home. My challenge is I don't know the girls' favorite colors or anything. I feel though if God is leading me on in bigger things, He can lead in this too. I just FELT the colors would be great.
I went looking for beds. We have 5 kids now, and adding two more. . . well, I am trying to figure out all the configurations of rooms and beds. I thought, bunk beds for boys? Two more twin beds for girls, get rid of the queen our little girls sleep in. . .etc. So I went to look at the furniture store. They are going out of business. Today was their last day. Everything is rock bottom prices. I saw the sweetest twin headboards and the prettiest daybed ever. All in prices I considered great. But God (ok AND Dan) said no. I will wait and see. I bought copy paper and am ready to fill out the application!!