Feeling really down today. It has taken me forever to fill out this application.Almost a month! Now I see why though. This week, my husbands new trial position was made permanent. AND his raise was made even larger! This would have totally changed our financial sheet, so I am glad we had not done that one yet. This is a big time blessing. HUGE. So amazing to see God work miracles. This type of thing does not usually happen at that place!
The verse that keeps coming to my mind is : "why so down cast oh my soul. Put your hope in God." There is just so much. . . my father has had a report of a spot on one lung they want to biopsy. My mom thinks she is having heart issues again. So, I know I am feeling challenged in those things. Then the marriage front. It seems every time an adoption or new baby has come our way, the marriage gets so attacked. It is disheartening and lonely. Even when I KNOW I am not wrestling with flesh and blood. Then the homefront. YIKES! the math is lie this. .. 5 kids+1 (organizationally challenged husband)+ 1 creative and perfectionistic mom+2 big dogs= one really cluttered (but creative) home. I feel I ought to be an organizational makeover "before". So, the idea of having a homestudy soon is um, daunting. lol
OH!! Speaking of homestudy. . . we originally thought we had to have a Hague accredited agency. So we contacted the people who had done our two previous homestudies. They are NOT yet Hague accredited because they are still new as an agency, and don't have the budget for it yet. There are no other options in MY area! I was discouraged of course. Then I talked to our Ms Maria, and she said they don't have to be, as long as they followthe guidlines of the Hague standards. YAY!! This means, in short, that we can have our homestudy, and postplacement visits by the same people!(MEANING only an updated homestudy--cheaper!!!!) We won't have to have a whole NEW one start to finish, just updated information! WAY easier for everyone and did I mention cheaper? lol
I am praying for these girls so much. Every time, I am moved to tears and can't even imagine the meeting of them!!
ok, so my house may be a mess, my marriage may be not what I want it to be, and things may be a little crazy and chaotic. . . but I know this! God has enlarged my heart and my home and HE will bring these things about.

I have a crazy tradition(ok weird thought process), every time I find out about a possible new baby(or kid!). I make a quilt. I was looking for bedding at Ross, Target, and Walmart. AND overstock. Yet couldn't find anything that seemed right(or priced right for FOUR girls!!) I finally looked at fabric and thought. . . hmmmm. I could MAKE them blankets for less and they would be more special. So I found the sheets that were just right and fabric and I will post pictures as I get them. For some reason making a blanket for each kid, is my favorite thing. It means home, snuggles and MOM. Curl up with a good book and just BE at home. My challenge is I don't know the girls' favorite colors or anything. I feel though if God is leading me on in bigger things, He can lead in this too. I just FELT the colors would be great.
I went looking for beds. We have 5 kids now, and adding two more. . . well, I am trying to figure out all the configurations of rooms and beds. I thought, bunk beds for boys? Two more twin beds for girls, get rid of the queen our little girls sleep in. . .etc. So I went to look at the furniture store. They are going out of business. Today was their last day. Everything is rock bottom prices. I saw the sweetest twin headboards and the prettiest daybed ever. All in prices I considered great. But God (ok AND Dan) said no. I will wait and see. I bought copy paper and am ready to fill out the application!!

the new beginning

The new adventure here has begun. It seems as though our lives are always busy and moving. We have begun a quest for more kids! A journey I never dreamed possible! Dan and I had planned to do a domestic foster/adoption. My heart's desire was to get an older girl, and give her a family before she "ages" out of the system. Depending on the age of the child, certain fees would be waived, college paid for. . .etc. A very affordable adoption indeed. Well, it seems as though God had a different plan! I have been subscribing to the Rainbow kids waiting children newsletters. I would get so many with pictures and heartbreaking stories of motherless children in every race imaginable from all over the world. Yet I felt God was asking me to pray for each one. So I prayed(and cried) and then deleted the emails. After a few months of this, I got another. It was a sibling pair of girls. No names, pictures or stories! Just a case number,country(El Salvador) and birth year. I emailed Maria for more information. She sent me new letters about the new program in Liberia with twenty or so pictures of girls and boys. The Phillipines fact sheets. . . etc I said, no thank you, just need more on the two girls in El Salvador.
Well, she sent me their "release for adoption information" It was dated 2003! They have been in an orphanage in San Salvador(the capital city) for this long! They were abandoned by their birth mom. My heart ached for them. AND I had names! Guadelupe(2001) and Joana(1996).I asked for an application. The whole time though I kept thinking-- THIS WAS NOT MY plan! lol I said, Lord, 20,000 dollars!? He said, freely you have given, freely it will be given to you. I said, Lord I planned to not leave the country. How hard the kids in foster care have it. He said, how much harder these two? I said, yes, I know, Lord, but I can't make it better for every orphan in Elsalvador. He said, you can change the whole world for these two. I was humbled and awed. I am so excited God would see fit to make me amother of 7!! It sounds overwhelming and I have told very few people, because I feel it is such a special pearl, I do not want to throw it before people who won't appreciate it with me. We are filling out our application this weekend! OH, and my mother in law-- we told her and she said, that is so odd, I felt led to bring you your family's Christmas present early. Maybe this is what it is for. it was 200.00! The exact amount of our application fee!!!Praise God! I lay awake at night and wonder if these girls know their Heavenly Father is working on their behalf. If they know I am praying for them? We are rearranging our bedrooms. We have three boys in the biggest room right now and we need to change that to the 4 girls! I can't wait to decorate a new girly room. But lots to be done and I wantto get that all going before the homestudy begins. Ahhh. . . busy weekend ahead!