The Widow's mite pendant

In our home schooling, we have used Sonlight for the last 2 years.
We received our first Sonlight core two years ago. Our first order came with the Widows mite pendant gift. I was so touched by that! The note that came with it brought tears to my eyes. I wore it nearly every day for a long time. We began an international adoption. Sadly, the country we were working with could not allow us to continue. So even after praying for nearly two years for our "two new sisters," we were not able to bring them home. Then this March, we were asked if we were interested in a new baby boy domestically --in state!! We had three days to get ready!! We had friends bring clothes, crib, everything while WE drove to get him! We met him first. He was beautiful!! A sweet baby boy with brown skin dark eyes and lots of black hair. I was instantly smitten with him. In the photo(of our first meeting), I was wearing the necklace. We met his birthmom and spent a lot of the 24 hrs with her. She held him and we took turnd caring for him. The hospital gave us a room right next door to hers. After she signed her parental waiver, he roomed with us. We kept our door open to her though.
The day we were leaving, my husband had to go out for a few extra things for the long trip home. I had a feeling I was supposed to give her my necklace. I had to pray. It sounded so odd. It was USED!(well-used) I said, "Lord if I am supposed to give this to her tell me FAST! (she had stepped out to pack her things. We were all being discharged. I heard Him say "yes!" so, when she stepped in, I had taken it off. I was holding it and said," I have something to give YOU. It seems like not much when compared to a baby. Sorry, but it is a 'widows mite' necklace.(she was not a Christian, so I explained the story from the Bibe briefly) I felt God take over and speak FOR me. "This is to remind you to give all that you can and for all the right reasons. AND remember that you are worth everything God has to offer you!" She took it and mumbeled "thank you". Then stepped out. I sat and cried for a moment wondering if I had done the right thing or not. I felt silly, and I was emotional about the rush and flurry of adoption. We a were released not long after that. We took our little guy home and spent the next two days falling MADLY in love. Our other 5 children were in awe of him. We called the first day home the "auntie parade." Aunts, Nonnie, and friends poured in to see him and hold him. On the third day, we were blissfuly alone. My husband had gone back to work. The kids were back into the school routine. The baby was so easily adaptable-- he was in the bouncy seat on the table while we did school! Or in the sling while I was up working with kids. That morning, our social worker called with devastating news. The birthmom wanted him back. There are 72 hours in which the birthmom has every legal right to request the baby back. I sobbed. I felt like my world was closing in and that I was having a full scale emotional breakdown. I called my husband who rushed home. I called my niece and close friend. They both came instantly. My friend said, "we can fight this-- it is so close! the papers were being filed today!" I had asked God what should we do. He said so very clearly,"Give back, show love, build trust." He said "she needs to see that I gave MY only son for HER. She needs somone to love and someone to love HER" Someone very close to me in our family, had placed her baby for adoption decades ago. She got her back when she was a few mos old. I called her. She said, "If I could have found who she was with(the baby had been placed in foster care as a legal risk adoption I assume), I would have gotten her back on the second day. You are doing the right thing to give back." I knew it was right. That didn't make it easier. We packed his little things. We made sure he had the outfits she had bought. We sent diapers and formula. We packed him a bottle for the trip. Then after he left, we left town to visit dear friends. My husband had a conference three hrs away and we decided to go with him the next day so we wouldnt be home missing the baby.
The next day, I found her on F*cebook. We had talked about that at the hospital. I wanted to know she had him and all was well with him. She sent me messages back. Pictures and all. Then she opened the door for something more when she said, "I have been thinking about my life needing to be very different with him in it. I have been asking a counselor about becoming a Christian."
I told her what God had told me about her needing to see that pain of giving up a son, and that HE had done that for HER. We messaged back and forth for days, then she asked again, "what does my necklace mean exactly?" I was able to share the full story with her. Later that week, she said, "I am going to become a Christian. I need a few days to think and pray-I have been PRAYING! AND I know he hears me!! I want it to be a real life change.
I had asked the Lord to show me the good in our situation. He did. I wish that I could say that I am okay with it still. I know what an awesome thing it is to have contributed to the salvation and change of his mother and giving hope to his life. I am human though. And the pain is still very fresh. It has only been a few months since his birth. In that time we have gotten rid of every baby thing we had. It was just too hard to live with it here. I gave it all to people who needed it, or gave borrowed things back to their owners. We miss him so greatly. We had two failed adoptions at the same time. It coincided then, with the reordering of school books because we are at the end of our year. I placed my order and saw at the end, that I may choose a free gift. As you can imagine, I WANTED a widows mite pendant(I miss that too), but I was actually afraid of it being too painful to wear. I asked God though. He said, "get it. you need to be reminded that YOU have given ALL you could for ALL the right reasons." And so, I got our order, I opened the pendant. It was very differnt from the first.(they are all unique) I am hoping today to get a new silver chain so I can start wearing it. I think it may end up being instead of a reminder of pain, a reminder of Hope. A reminder of His love for ME too. And above all it is a reminder that I still hear His voice and I am still on the right path No matter what storm or tornado or fire seems to hit (even if they feel like they are all hitting at once) He is there. HE has not forsaken.