humbling

I have learned that motherhood is humbling. From the very beginning. You have to actually degrade yourself to urinating on a stick! COME ON!! Then you announce to friends and family. THEN they all know what you have been up to! I blushed everytime I got the knowing glances and the hubster got the elbows to the ribs. Then, came the Dr visits. There were invasive exams that bordered on violation. Months went by as my firstborn grew. And grew. And grew. (side note-- you should ask how big of a baby your fella was BEFORE you decide to marry him and bear his children.) My firstborn had a 15 inch head and he weighed 8 lbs, 5 oz and he looked like a three month old baby! There were more people in that room to see his birth than I could imagine! I thought at that moment, that I had lost whatever tiny bits of my pride I had left. I was a shy and modest person before birthing a baby. I STILL am to a degree. But it was definitely a culture shock. Then the nurse actually grabbed me in certain places to teach the baby to "latch on and nurse properly" It was all very humbling and in fact a big reason I have had doula training and love to help with baby care. I want to help women to see that pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding can be done with discretion, dignity and honor. I love to serve women in that capacity.

As my kids have grown, I have had the embarrassment of not getting to bathe alone, or find moments to dress alone... I thought those were humbling. Then, this week, I had to have a head-shot photo session done by my almost 13 yr old boy.(for photography class!) He was ruthless. "mom that one makes you look as pale as a vampire!" "hmmm, you are not gonna like this!" "wow! your arms look HUGE!" "bhaaaa haa ha ha, oh mom you gotta see this one!" yes it was sad sad sad.... I said, "your job as the photographer is to find the subject's most flattering sides and angles." It took a few hundred photos and him saying "nope, that is not it" a lot, before he finally produced this:


and am I going to complain about the slight shadows or not so great lighting. Nope. Not me. I will scoop my dignity up.For it is like jello on the ground. I will piece together my self-esteem like a puzzle. I will hope that child learned something and I will hope to never have to do this again. Lesson learned!(on MY part anyway)