called to worship

I am reminded this week, that one of my callings is to worship. It is interesting how that has been so different at various times of my life. As a teen, I was involved in youth worship(I sing). Then I got married(and married a drummer!!), and we BOTH got involved in youth group worship. Even after our first son was born, we carted him along to youth ralleys and suff with the band we were involved in. The second baby brought some changes. lol He was colicky and needy and well, hard to keep happy unless he was in the sling. So, I sang some but started to slow down. In all this though, I felt so fulfilled helping teens see worship is fun and powerful. Then baby #3 came. After her birth, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. I was bedridden for weeks, weak for MONTHS. Of course I was not in any worship team stuff. The hubby even had to be home alot. So we both felt so out of place for a while. But in THAT season, God began showing me about intimate worship as opposed to coorporate worship(which I was so used to!). I began to know Him in a totally different way. Not to say I had not been worshipping in spirit and truth, or that there is anything wrong with worshipping with the brothers and sisters in Christ! I think we all HAVE to have that at times, obviously. But this was new, and revelating and inner focused. In the midst of this, he gave me a revelating healing experience., and a vision of the power of the cross that left me breathless . My heart aching to know the heartbeat of God and be the worshipper HE wanted me to be. In that sickness, I was so scared for my kids sake that I really was so close to death. But God gave me a verse-- I have been saved from death that I might praise you in the public places. I knew HE was going to heal me and show HIS glory through my praise. I got back involved right before we adopted out #4 --a son), and he was a stage baby. lol He lived in the sling, then as he grew, he was se in a stationar walker behind the drums(usually with his own pair of sticks!). When he was 6 mos old, we found out his birthmom was expecting another one. We wanted them together so, when he was 13 mos ld, his baby sister arrived. I still sang. She lived in the sling for MONTHS. Then he got mobile and she got restless and, um, hated drums. lol SO mommy took a singing sabatical. Well, now, after 4 years, I am finding myself re-evaluating my worship life again. I am not a person who really enjoys being in front of others. It is MY cmfort zone to be invisible. Ha ha, then the preacher told us we need to get out of our comfort zones in worship and be willing to grow and change. We are teaching our kids music, each has a talent for one instrument, and some are great singers and both girls have a talent for dancing. I watched the boys Easter Sunday in a drumline and felt like my heart would explode with pride with every drumbeat. I saw my daughter swinging the banner and dancing for the Lord and was so touched. I have spent the last 4 years, some would say, not involved in worship. It may look like that. God knows I have spent a TONS of time in the changing staton or the nursery. But God showed me a revelation that I thought was so awesome. He reminded me of the annointing on the head of the home. And that it runs dow the beard and so forth. God said, he had annointed our family as worshippers. What is so amazing to me. . . 2 of these worshippers have NO biological connection to us.(nurtue vs nature the scientists say) But they know how to worship and have great gifts even at 4 and 5! I was realizing my arms are emptied of babies at church, but the odd thing was-- I was not SAD! I was excited, because when I looked down, my little one was eyes closed and hands up, worshipping and singing to God. SoI am refining my heart, and feeling the worship rising up so much I get overwhelmed. There was a song Sunday, "I am filled to be emptied again." God has said he will pour out from the windows of heaven for my family-- not just for US to have what we need . But for us to spill over Gods blessings on others. As I wait for Him to lead me, I am so excited, because I FEEL change stirring in the body of Christ and our knowledge and relationship with the Father as a body and as individuals. Just as so many are feeling the stirring and thinking bad economy, or not enough jobs. . . etc. Our GOD is bigger than all of those things. HE iswhat it is about, not us, or our gifts or callings or even annointings. We are going to get to a place where it doesnt matter if the harmony is right in the vocals or the sound is mixed right, or the drums are too loud. . . or if the style isnt what WE like. It will come to a refined praise. A true spiritual connection of thanksgiving and love for our Lord. And the warfare that will be fought as we lift up holy hands to Him and tell of HIS amazing grace. . . . ahhhhh. That is the place I wanna be. Surrounded by love, enveloped in His presence and unashamed to be undignified for His sake.