our adoption update

I don't know if I told my bloggy friends, but a few months ago, I was asked to talk about our adoption experience at what everyone hopes will be the first of many adoption fellowships. It was humbling. It was also so amazing! To be asked to share on what is so very deep in my heart!?! While I am all nostalgic about that day, now I am rolling in today. When people say adoption is a roller coaster-- they are NOT kidding!! Our three new kids are a challenging group. They would make a challenge even if they were the ONLY kids in the home. Strangely though, because they aren't- I think they have an even better chance at being self-less and adaptable. I know it sounds odd, and warped, but I think it is true. We have days that go so well and then we have days that I want to pull out someones hair.(and it is usually a toss up between mine or some little girl!) I have never seen such disrespect, laziness, or flat out rudeness than in these three kids. I also have seen tenderness and depth and hurt and love. They all had attachment issues, but two of the three have really formed deep bonds. Then finally the other day my 10 yr old said, "Mommy, I love you so much, I don't even know the words for it. I never felt it before." Then a few hrs later her little sister sobs in time out wailing "I WANNA NEW MOMMY!!! ONE WITH BLONDE HAIR THAT WONT BE MEAN TO ME!!It doesnt mean I don't love you, I just wanna new mommy!" lol sigh. So you can see why I may need to start therapy? I am afraid I may be becoming bipolar soon. lol(just kidding!!) The ups and downs are crazy. The ride is slowing up a bit though and the ups and downs get a teensey bit more even. I think that is what they call progress. Kids are attaching. I am working on keeping it all together. The marriage is still working. The kids are all alive. The chickens are too if that means anything! Well, except those roosters- but that's another post. Keep us in your prayers please? We will not be finalizing as soon as we had hoped due to crazy time issues and between state stuff.(?!)The kids may have to go back into public school for a stupid amount of 2 months or less. I am trying to just have peace and let God be in control. I cannot make anything happen. I can only pray. Please join us in praying? Thank you!

Forever ago?

I am so sorry. If there are any sweet friends who still read this blog, I would like to apologize for having not posted in FOREVER! It has been a roller coaster of a several months long ride. I HATE ROLLER COASTERS!!! We have had the new kids here since Dec 29th, 2011. It has been a life lesson in the school of hard knocks. Literally. I have so much to say, but so much that needs discretion too. For kids' sake and for the sake of State rules until adoption is final. I am awed by the system of adopting from foster care. I am appalled at the crazy stuff that American kids go through when removed from their birth homes all in the name of "their good." I understand there will be holes in the system, but I intend to do something( and I am completely unsure of WHAT!) to help other kids.Praying now about what that would be. Our kids are adjusting pretty well. (two easier and one harder and much slower.) We get to finalize any time after June 29th. So we are in the final stretch. The two older kids were required to public school for this six month waiting period. They finished Thursday. So Friday we had our first REAL day as a full family of home-schoolers. I have two sets of twins here in the 4th and 5th grades.(how fun is THAT!? lol no really I think it is fun. Give me another year and a few more hormones and I might be crying about it. lol) I begin high school homeschooling this year. I am a little nervous. But hey we survived pre algebra and we are moving on to algebra. No big deal. (really!) and I love my teenager. (again ! REALLY!) I have a kindergartener again. This shocked me. I said if I have to teach this phonics again I will scream. (I did) But here we go again. And I really feel I should get some sort of award from the company. I have had to buy three copies of the teachers manual since 1998. And more workbooks than I care to count. But I dont see me adopting any more children younger than Miss A. So I will happily retire this asap! I have two with learning difficulties who are NOT yet readers at 7 and 8. I am hoping to see HUGE improvement this summer. With all these 10 and 12 year olds I will have plenty of listeners to the kids sounding out H-A-T for the millionth time. ;-) We have officially become a poultry farm this year. I went to the feed store for chick days(which has lasted since FEBRUARY!!) I go in for feed, and POOF! They have more fuzzballs. I sneaked them home in purse, box, pocket... I have an addiction. Good news though, I KNOW it and fully admit it. I am seeking help. Rehab. It takes place in my yard as I feed and water my nearly 50 mostly teenage chickens. In a month or so I will be getting over 30 eggs a day potentially. lol I am beginning a sell list now. I have an assortment of amazing layers(about 20) standard size hens. One Rhode Island red rooster that got mis-sexed at the feed store. And then about 30 Bantams!! So some of those eggs will be tiny. I have a few breeds I love so I am making breed box coops for a rooster and a few hens of those breeds. My hubby has built neat and nearly free coops! I will post pics as soon as possible. Cause I know people are SO interested. Heh heh

the kids are HOME

I know there are some who do not do facebook... and you may not know... our kids are home! We had some crazy things happen. When they were taken back Nov 4th because of a stupid contract undone, things went haywire. Our girls were taken to a NEW foster home in the middle of the night. It was told to us that the contract renewal would be 3 days to 3 weeks. Well, two weeks before Christmas, the girls' new foster mom was having a mess on her hands. The girls were being violent to each other and her. The girls were taken to a treatment center. The 4 yr old was left in a psych ward overnight for "observation." I cannot imagine what she must have thought. I sobbed and felt so helpless. They were put in yet another home, while we made fast plans to get us there the week before Christmas. We decided that if they wouldn't be HOME for Christmas, we would go to THEM. We spent Christmas in a hotel. I asked my caseworker for the contact info for where the contract was supposed to be. From a hotel room, I made a call on Tuesday explaining our situation. I explained that this contract was the only thing keeping these kids from being home. I BEGGED for help. She took my number and name and said she would see what she could do. She also told me it was typically a 2 week process from the time they received it. They had just gotten it! GRR. So we simply tried to enjoy time with the kids and prayed daily for it to come through. Our week was sort of hectic. 10 kids, two hotel rooms... 4 adults... but there were moments of fun and we DID get to be together. Then I got a call thursday that the contract was done and ready!!! The kids could not come home with us the 26th, but they were flown in the 29th! So they have been here just over a week. This week has been hectic. Paperwork for school(I have to enroll them for the 6 mos before finalizing), medical stuff, behavior issues. There have been boundary testing, heart issues, anger issues, rejection issues, fear... you name it and we have seen it. We have prayed and held crying kids and stopped fights. We have accomplished nothing but feeding, loving and discipline for a solid week. I have been told by the new son he felt this was not the best place for him when I set limits on the computer. I have been kicked, and screamed at by little girls. After their hearts are calmed they apologize but it is very hard not to get so tired in the middle of it all. Lack of sleep, lack of food(not having TIME to eat!!), and lack of prayer time and quiet time are getting to the adults. However, yesterday and today we have seen some breakthroughs. We are seeing progress, and they are bending bit by bit to what we expect of them. I even think they are finally beginning to believe we love them. But have I mentioned I am tired?

Time of serious praying

I know I am way way WAY behind on blogging. I am barely able to post quick tidbits on facebook. But to update any of you who have not heard, and to get MORE prayer(cause I am greedy right now on that one): our adoption story took an odd turn. We were to visit with the kids from Oct 27th- Nov 4th. We were praying the ICPC would go through fast enough to let that "visit" turn into placement. Well, about 3:00 that afternoon, we got the call saying the ICPC is done-- they can stay TELL THEM!! So we did. We heard whooping and yelling and celebrations were already being planned for family fun night(it was Friday). Then I got a call from the supervisor saying "step away from the kids". UGH, no!!!! It was discovered that our agency's contract with their agency had expired. It was a crazy fluke. But it meant packing up three crying children, trying to keep it together. It also meant packing them for unknown TIME! Then I find out the girls were going to a new foster home. Their flights were for 9. It was delayed. They landed about 11. Then the supervisor took the girls to their new home, and the case worker took our son back to his previous home. We were told it would be anywhere from 3 days to 3 weeks for the processing of that contract. In the middle of that(on the 3rd), my best friends 41 yr old husband died at 4 am. It was a massive heart attack. It was a complete shock. He was really a healthy guy. Loved his fammily. He was an amazing brother and friend to me and his wife's beloved. I left the kids with Daddy and went to be with her for the day.(really I spent far more time loving on her three kids. They are 12, 10, and 7. The two girls birthdays are the 16th and 23rd of this month, then thanksgiving and christmas... it is all without their very special daddy. I was still reeling from that when we get devastated by our kids leaving! Now it is so close to thanksgiving and it looks like we might be spending it without them. They are not allowed to come here for the visit we were promised. It is not legal without the contract in place. We were told we were welcome to come there, but the kids are 7 hrs away from us and probably 45 minutes away from each other. We are not allowed to have them with us at a hotel, so we would spend a ton of time driving! The time and money involved make this practically impossible at this moment. So we are waiting to hear that the contract is ready and they can come home. Please pray with us?

going a little nuts....

I am not sure if I have even updated my blog to the plan of arrival of the new kids! And I have no time to even go check... We are on a serious count down! They come on THURSDAY AFTERNOON!!! I have s many projects going it is unreal. We were given two sets of bunk beds.(!?) And We bought 1 set. So we have put together beds and rearranged rooms and oh my gosh we are tired every night. My niece and nephew have been hanging out here to help every day. James rocks at the hard work, heavy lifting and boy motivation. Dan is the super cook and host. Nikki has been so helpful at encouraging me and the kids and keeping us focused without letting me panic.(sometimes) I had to buy a new washer and dryer(the old ones are too small and not so high efficiency). We had to build closet space for 4 boys. It has been nuts. On top of the usual feed us all and keep laundry and dishes going thing. Then of course bathe kids and get them to bed.OH and let's not forget schooling!! I have three new children coming to my house in three days.... AUGH!!!! I keep looking at everything through new eyes and feeling like oh no, what if they HATE this?! What if they HATE US!?? They will hate our rules.... they will hate their new school.... yadda yadda yadda... so, if you have a minute to pray for us, please do. thanks so much.

Visit time!

Warning: no pictures! Not yet. Sorry. We just aren't allowed. But that being said, I gotta tell you how amazing this has been! D gave us a card that was heart melting. " hi, I am glad to be adopted. Thank you for choosing me" I went to bed last night feeling such a mix of excitement and sadness. I can't explain it. Knowing that you know that these kids were MEANT to be yours, then seeing the sad faces of their foster siblings as they beg " I wanna go too will you be my mama too?" these kids have been so loved in their foster homes, but they just want forever families. It blesses me that mine will be home soon, but my heart breaks for those I can't take home. I can't even put words to the feelings I have. But dan and I were saying , why aren't more people doing this?!?! Then I will explain the very real flip side. ;-) it was a crazy day!!! We went to a fall festival. D and James threw the football a bit. Olivia and Elijah played life sized chess. Nik and I took the girls and Isaiah to the library and met with another adoptive mom
And one of the foster moms. We took girls to potty. We had lunch. Then we took kids to potty. Then we tried to see a movie ( all the kids were sad about seeing it so we begged a refund and left) then we went on another potty trip. After a long drive into the city, we went to a gorgeous park. ( side note-- when these kids see what our town calls a park they may cry) they played in the sprinkler park part, went to the restroom. Then played mini golfs and rest room AGAIN. Baby girl needing a change of clothes btw. The sprinklers had made her twists come undone and her hair was getting puffy and crazy. I tried retwisting and ended up with crazy poky puffs. Nik worked on it and got that part better, but little sister was using the FINE TOOTHED COMB on the back of her head!!! She had three inches of puffy at the back of her hair! We so messed that up! Lol j was a sweet girl and called me mommy all day long. D held my hand, and a enjoyed being spoiled. Counting 4 boys and four girls everywhere was hard. But watching them buddy up, and seeing ri holding his new baby sister so sweetly... Made my heart happy. I have 4 snuggly girls and4 handsome loving boys. D wants to hold my hand. I gives me the tightest hugs ever . E gives me kisses on the cheek and hugs all day long saying " you just looked like you needed that" and r puts his arm around me as we walked down the city side walk saying " mom it has been a good day". Yep my sweet hearted man- boy. It has.

Getting ready to meet!!

Today we cleaned the van did a million loads of laundry and started our trip prepping! We. Are. So. Excited!! On Friday at 4 Pm we will be meeting our kids! Can't wait to hug them!!!! Our new boy asked the counselor " do you think they will mind us calling them mom and dad right away?" nope buddy-- pretty sure that will be just fine. Little sister here had me a bit worried. She will be the only one " displaced". She has been the baby in our family for six years! Today she told Nikki-- I am getting a little sister! She will share my room and we will play!! Elijah can't WAIT to play ball with the brother almost exactly 1 yr younger than him. Olivia is beside herself with excitement to meet her " twin" ( they are both nine for a month together) she helped decorate their room, sort through tons of clothes, and is ready to pack tonight. Riley seems nervous but excited too. Isaiah asks " when's that new brother coming?" can't wait. Elijah has been singing" we are family! All my brothers sisters and me... Lol love it!