Home in the woods

the kids are HOME

2012-01-07T21:26:00.001-08:00

I know there are some who do not do facebook... and you may not know... our kids are home! We had some crazy things happen. When they were taken back Nov 4th because of a stupid contract undone, things went haywire. Our girls were taken to a NEW foster home in the middle of the night. It was told to us that the contract renewal would be 3 days to 3 weeks. Well, two weeks before Christmas, the girls' new foster mom was having a mess on her hands. The girls were being violent to each other and her. The girls were taken to a treatment center. The 4 yr old was left in a psych ward overnight for "observation." I cannot imagine what she must have thought. I sobbed and felt so helpless. They were put in yet another home, while we made fast plans to get us there the week before Christmas. We decided that if they wouldn't be HOME for Christmas, we would go to THEM. We spent Christmas in a hotel. I asked my caseworker for the contact info for where the contract was supposed to be. From a hotel room, I made a call on Tuesday explaining our situation. I explained that this contract was the only thing keeping these kids from being home. I BEGGED for help. She took my number and name and said she would see what she could do. She also told me it was typically a 2 week process from the time they received it. They had just gotten it! GRR. So we simply tried to enjoy time with the kids and prayed daily for it to come through. Our week was sort of hectic. 10 kids, two hotel rooms... 4 adults... but there were moments of fun and we DID get to be together. Then I got a call thursday that the contract was done and ready!!! The kids could not come home with us the 26th, but they were flown in the 29th! So they have been here just over a week. This week has been hectic. Paperwork for school(I have to enroll them for the 6 mos before finalizing), medical stuff, behavior issues. There have been boundary testing, heart issues, anger issues, rejection issues, fear... you name it and we have seen it. We have prayed and held crying kids and stopped fights. We have accomplished nothing but feeding, loving and discipline for a solid week. I have been told by the new son he felt this was not the best place for him when I set limits on the computer. I have been kicked, and screamed at by little girls. After their hearts are calmed they apologize but it is very hard not to get so tired in the middle of it all. Lack of sleep, lack of food(not having TIME to eat!!), and lack of prayer time and quiet time are getting to the adults. However, yesterday and today we have seen some breakthroughs. We are seeing progress, and they are bending bit by bit to what we expect of them. I even think they are finally beginning to believe we love them. But have I mentioned I am tired?

Time of serious praying

2011-11-22T12:50:00.000-08:00

I know I am way way WAY behind on blogging. I am barely able to post quick tidbits on facebook. But to update any of you who have not heard, and to get MORE prayer(cause I am greedy right now on that one): our adoption story took an odd turn. We were to visit with the kids from Oct 27th- Nov 4th. We were praying the ICPC would go through fast enough to let that "visit" turn into placement. Well, about 3:00 that afternoon, we got the call saying the ICPC is done-- they can stay TELL THEM!! So we did. We heard whooping and yelling and celebrations were already being planned for family fun night(it was Friday). Then I got a call from the supervisor saying "step away from the kids". UGH, no!!!! It was discovered that our agency's contract with their agency had expired. It was a crazy fluke. But it meant packing up three crying children, trying to keep it together. It also meant packing them for unknown TIME! Then I find out the girls were going to a new foster home. Their flights were for 9. It was delayed. They landed about 11. Then the supervisor took the girls to their new home, and the case worker took our son back to his previous home. We were told it would be anywhere from 3 days to 3 weeks for the processing of that contract. In the middle of that(on the 3rd), my best friends 41 yr old husband died at 4 am. It was a massive heart attack. It was a complete shock. He was really a healthy guy. Loved his fammily. He was an amazing brother and friend to me and his wife's beloved. I left the kids with Daddy and went to be with her for the day.(really I spent far more time loving on her three kids. They are 12, 10, and 7. The two girls birthdays are the 16th and 23rd of this month, then thanksgiving and christmas... it is all without their very special daddy. I was still reeling from that when we get devastated by our kids leaving! Now it is so close to thanksgiving and it looks like we might be spending it without them. They are not allowed to come here for the visit we were promised. It is not legal without the contract in place. We were told we were welcome to come there, but the kids are 7 hrs away from us and probably 45 minutes away from each other. We are not allowed to have them with us at a hotel, so we would spend a ton of time driving! The time and money involved make this practically impossible at this moment. So we are waiting to hear that the contract is ready and they can come home. Please pray with us?

going a little nuts....

2011-10-24T11:01:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if I have even updated my blog to the plan of arrival of the new kids! And I have no time to even go check... We are on a serious count down! They come on THURSDAY AFTERNOON!!! I have s many projects going it is unreal. We were given two sets of bunk beds.(!?) And We bought 1 set. So we have put together beds and rearranged rooms and oh my gosh we are tired every night. My niece and nephew have been hanging out here to help every day. James rocks at the hard work, heavy lifting and boy motivation. Dan is the super cook and host. Nikki has been so helpful at encouraging me and the kids and keeping us focused without letting me panic.(sometimes) I had to buy a new washer and dryer(the old ones are too small and not so high efficiency). We had to build closet space for 4 boys. It has been nuts. On top of the usual feed us all and keep laundry and dishes going thing. Then of course bathe kids and get them to bed.OH and let's not forget schooling!! I have three new children coming to my house in three days.... AUGH!!!! I keep looking at everything through new eyes and feeling like oh no, what if they HATE this?! What if they HATE US!?? They will hate our rules.... they will hate their new school.... yadda yadda yadda... so, if you have a minute to pray for us, please do. thanks so much.

Visit time!

2011-10-08T22:24:00.001-07:00

Warning: no pictures! Not yet. Sorry. We just aren't allowed. But that being said, I gotta tell you how amazing this has been! D gave us a card that was heart melting. " hi, I am glad to be adopted. Thank you for choosing me" I went to bed last night feeling such a mix of excitement and sadness. I can't explain it. Knowing that you know that these kids were MEANT to be yours, then seeing the sad faces of their foster siblings as they beg " I wanna go too will you be my mama too?" these kids have been so loved in their foster homes, but they just want forever families. It blesses me that mine will be home soon, but my heart breaks for those I can't take home. I can't even put words to the feelings I have. But dan and I were saying , why aren't more people doing this?!?! Then I will explain the very real flip side. ;-) it was a crazy day!!! We went to a fall festival. D and James threw the football a bit. Olivia and Elijah played life sized chess. Nik and I took the girls and Isaiah to the library and met with another adoptive mom
And one of the foster moms. We took girls to potty. We had lunch. Then we took kids to potty. Then we tried to see a movie ( all the kids were sad about seeing it so we begged a refund and left) then we went on another potty trip. After a long drive into the city, we went to a gorgeous park. ( side note-- when these kids see what our town calls a park they may cry) they played in the sprinkler park part, went to the restroom. Then played mini golfs and rest room AGAIN. Baby girl needing a change of clothes btw. The sprinklers had made her twists come undone and her hair was getting puffy and crazy. I tried retwisting and ended up with crazy poky puffs. Nik worked on it and got that part better, but little sister was using the FINE TOOTHED COMB on the back of her head!!! She had three inches of puffy at the back of her hair! We so messed that up! Lol j was a sweet girl and called me mommy all day long. D held my hand, and a enjoyed being spoiled. Counting 4 boys and four girls everywhere was hard. But watching them buddy up, and seeing ri holding his new baby sister so sweetly... Made my heart happy. I have 4 snuggly girls and4 handsome loving boys. D wants to hold my hand. I gives me the tightest hugs ever . E gives me kisses on the cheek and hugs all day long saying " you just looked like you needed that" and r puts his arm around me as we walked down the city side walk saying " mom it has been a good day". Yep my sweet hearted man- boy. It has.

Getting ready to meet!!

2011-10-05T19:23:00.000-07:00

Today we cleaned the van did a million loads of laundry and started our trip prepping! We. Are. So. Excited!! On Friday at 4 Pm we will be meeting our kids! Can't wait to hug them!!!! Our new boy asked the counselor " do you think they will mind us calling them mom and dad right away?" nope buddy-- pretty sure that will be just fine. Little sister here had me a bit worried. She will be the only one " displaced". She has been the baby in our family for six years! Today she told Nikki-- I am getting a little sister! She will share my room and we will play!! Elijah can't WAIT to play ball with the brother almost exactly 1 yr younger than him. Olivia is beside herself with excitement to meet her " twin" ( they are both nine for a month together) she helped decorate their room, sort through tons of clothes, and is ready to pack tonight. Riley seems nervous but excited too. Isaiah asks " when's that new brother coming?" can't wait. Elijah has been singing" we are family! All my brothers sisters and me... Lol love it!

OUR NEW KIDS!!!

2011-09-29T07:39:00.000-07:00

I case you aren't on Facebook.... I have amazing news! We had our conference call Monday. It was crazy and stressful getting there. I felt flustered and scattered. My questions were formally compiled on the way there! (1 hr drive) Hubby and I talked about what we needed to ask and share and it was a good trip. Then once there, we had TWO therapists that have been working with the kids, one of the foster moms(of our new son) and two case workers and a supervisor. I had to pretend it was a lovely chat not to freak out. I HATE business type calls! I HATE conference calls!!! So anyway, we asked all the questions we needed to. We got lots of answers and even hearing the difficult behaviors... we were MORE excited to get them home quicker. We felt like a lot of the resentment and anger are simply because they have been abandoned by birth parents. I am amazed at the amount of stuff that WAS NOT in their file! No physical abuse!?? (verbal emotional...etc and that is enough, but still!!) It was amazing that parents rights were terminated early. There was a clean break. No back and forths to confuse them. It is heartbreaking for them but still I can see how that may make it easier for us all to bond. I am not freaked out by the little stuff there was. WE CURRENTLY deal with most of those issues. I felt like saying "these people have no idea how qualified we are" Not of ourselves, but that God has been preparing us and HE has been giving us wisdom for a few years. And plenty of practice . :-) We were told we would have to wait 24 hrs to give our final answer. But they waived that and we said YES!!!! Then we went on to planning placement. Please pray with us that our ICPC paperwork goes through fast. (it is the permission between TX and OK that it is ok for us to HAVE them!!) FRiday they will be given our lifebook and told they have a family! Then we get to talk to them on Monday. Then we go to visit them on the 7th!!! We see them for three days that weekend. Then we get twice weekly phone calls. The 27th of OCt, we willhave them here at home for 7 days! Potentieal placement for GOOD is the 4th of Nov!!!! If that ICPC doesn't keep up, we won't have placement til the end of Nov. :-( Please join with us in praying?? Our new kids are DJ,(11 yr old boy) Joycelyn(9 yr old girl), and Arial(4 yr old girl). Cant wait ti get to share pics! Have I mentioned we are so excited!?? We have two more sets of bunk beds to set up and a lot of organizing to do. please pray for us??

In case you aren't on fb ....

2011-09-12T21:48:00.000-07:00

I have news!! Actual news! Our case worker talked with the kids worker today. The file was being mailed out today and should be at her office in OK by the end of the week!!! This means we will schedule a time by the first part of next week to go to her office 1 hr away. We will look over the details of the kids' private files. We will talk with their case worker and foster parents through conference call. We will ask any questions we need to ask and learn what it really takes to parent these kids. Then we are required to wait 24 hrs after THAT before we can say yes. We feel they are ours and we are to be saying yes no matter what. So for us this is just a legality. At that time we will talk about actual visitation and placement timeline. Also, then the kids will be given our lifebook and told they have a family. We are GETTING THERE!!!! We are so excited and nervous and crazy busy.... We have begun the school year. We have been active in the garden and chicken patrol. We are getting to visit with family we haven't seen in YEARS! My brother and kids have come back from Fl. this week!! They are finally home. (SIL following this week!btw) So my boys have their big cousins back and we had a sleepover with Nikki(my neice who is actually only 7 yrs younger than me) her hubby and two kids, my two teen nephews, and our kids. lol We did family movie night AT the theaters! lol, we divided up into three groups. The big guys went with Dan to see Green Lantern. James took the littles(gulp... all 5!!!!) to see Kung fu Panda 3D. And Nikki and I got to see a chick flick by ourselves! I will tell the butt slapping story in another post. heh heh. We finished off the weekend with a busted head(no stitches needed thanks to new skin and lots of hair), Nikki passing out because of all the blood, and her and Riley fussing at each other. It went something like this :"thanks Nik for passing out on me in my time of need!" and Nikki saying "Riley you bleeding all over the place MADE ME FAINT!" James and I secured them both on sofas and told them to BE STILL. Then G the oldest nephew, ran into a cabinet door, D the next older nephew complained of an ear ache... the two little girls were mud-bathing in the yard with one wearing the middle girls new favorite outfit--without permission. The 11 yr old apparently worried the two little boys because they came in crying "Is RILEY GONNA DIE!?" I finally lost it, and was woozey from the blood too. I screamed "EVERYONE SIT DOWN AND HUSH UP FOR A FEW MINUTES AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT MOVE!!!!" Not my finest moment. I admit it. It was quite a day. AND I was on my way to be a server at a wedding reception that had been scheduled months ago. So I had to leave my sad crew in the hands of only two capable adults. It was scary. But they survived and the wedding was great. I came home that night and cleaned the sad owie on Head wound Hairy's noggin. Then texted a picture to my nurse friend and got professional advice of "clean it thoroughly, cut the hairs on and around the cut. Then seal it with new skin. voila-- 3000.00 saved from NO ER trip! I should be a nurse. I should seriously get paid for what I do. Seriously. I should. I mean it.

Nothin says love quite like:

2011-09-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

klonking a possum on the noggin?? !! Well you may beg to differ, but let me explain. We lost another hen yesterday. It was gruesome again and horrible. My poor hen was attacked by a raccoon that snatched her out of HER NESTING box and proceeded to do unspeakable acts of consumption! Where the poor ladies are supposed to feel safe and secure in the night. So yesterday after hearing what I had to deal with while he was at work, my hubster bought mega latches for those nesting box doors. Then he installed them before bed. He watched the coop for a while after dark. Then in the middle of the night he woke up to do a security check. There was a possum out there! He chased it up a tree shot it repeatedly with the BB gun(yes I know we are getting a real one asap!) then when it came down, klonked it with a baseball bat. Very cave man style. Very unattractive. Primitive and not so humane for the death row victim. And yet, my heart pitter pattered at the fact he kept my sweet ladies safe another night. He sacrificed an HOUR of sleep!?(his most favorite thing) and I slept through it all(and I am now a tad worried about me cause I NEVER sleep that soundly) He asked if I wanted it buried. I said, nope leave it today as a warning to the other chicken eating wildlife. I went out to see the ladies this am and they were all twittering.... I said, oh, Daddy kept you girls safe another night! I hope you are proud of him and grateful!(and could you lay us some eggs even though it is hot and you have all been traumatized please?) As a normally romantic person, I was a bit shocked to find that I felt loved by such a barbaric thing! odd. I am now going to seek therapy....

Ladies a layin!

2011-08-30T11:02:00.001-07:00

Our hens laid their first eggs this week! To say we are excited would be a HUGE understatement. The tiny egg is from the tiny hen we call Beatrice. (Moriah hugs her... heck, we ALL hug her) Our ladies are well loved!)

Chicken news

2011-08-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

I know so many people have nothing better to do that to hear my tales... this weekend we had drama for sure. We had 14 chickens originally. One was a confirmed rooster. We had a dog. Well, the dog was given to a farm family. The rooster went to the same family. Apparently those two were my home land security system here, because the first night they were gone, a possum attacked! I heard a strange chicken scream. I said, DAN! There must be something in with the hens in the chicken tractor!! He said, nope, sounds like the kids playing the angry birds game to me. I went around the house, no one was playing a game! I came back to our room, and heard it again. He jumped up and said, "oh, yep! That was a chicken alright!" We went out and there was a possum in the stupid tractor( for those who may not know, the tractor is a small moveable chicken coop. It sits on the ground, and they forage on bugs in the yard!) Dan flung the door open and the possum ran out. I will save you the gory details. I quickly moved the two skittish but surviving hens in the safe house with the rest. Then we poured peroxide on the pour hurt chicken. We thought we patched the coop, and put her in a safer spot. It turns out the darn possum came back and finished her. Poor thing! I felt so bad but I was NOT bringing her in... she was a MESS! So then we hear the rooster died!(at the farm where we sent him) He must have gotten stressed and overheated on the trip. So, our chicken numbers are down to 12. An even dozen. And this week, we began to see eggs! Our first ever and we got 5 this week! I have figured out the sweet ladies a layin' and am so proud of them. Can't wait til I am getting 5 a day!!!!

digital photos...

2011-08-14T16:00:00.000-07:00

I gotta say the other day I took about 10 rolls of film and disposable cameras to be developed. I had stuffed them in a drawer hoping not to have to deal with them, then eralized--- OHMYGOSH!!-- those are my kids pictures I NEED them. Eventually they will stop developing film. Better do it now. Well, about 100.00 later, I have photos. Some of them are as old as 5 years ago. I am so embarrassed and frustrated. And though I never would have believed it, I am grateful for digital photos! Thankful for the easier way(and cheaper! I can eliminate half of our shots before buying!!)

Kids update

2011-08-11T22:13:00.000-07:00

My case worker emailed me today. She talked with the kids' caseworker. She says they are all doing well. They don't know we have been selected yet, but they know there were parents being considered for them. The 8 yr old keeps asking "when will we get to go live with our new mommy and daddy?" Heart melting isn't it? They won't be given our life book until we see their files. It still hasn't even gotten to THEIR caseworker so she can send it to OURS. please pray with us that this stuff goes faster so these kids who have been waiting 4 yrs won't wait much longer. As soon as we see their file and say yes, they will know we are working on getting them. They will see our pictures and know they are about to finally be in a forever family. I am on pins and needles!!

WAHOO!!!!

2011-08-10T20:34:00.000-07:00

My niece and her crew were here for a week because their AC went out. Since we are at record temps and major drought... that is unbearable. So they moved in for a week-long sleepover. About this time, I got news of the life book we had to make. I have never done one!! And there were these very confusing papers to fill out. So, since I like scrap-booking I started there. My niece helped me sort through photos and make pages. It ended up being 65 pages!!!! After they went home, I forced myself to do the forms. I finished today! The whole package was mailed today. They will show the life book to our new kiddos. It will introduce them to our wild and crazy family. Because of their ages they will not be given a choice whether they want to come to us. It seems sad, but we are just praying they get excited. We are now waiting for their case file to be sent to our caseworker then we have our phone consultation where we ask tons of questions.... Please pray that D, J, and A will love the idea of being with our family. That we can get the rooms ready in time. That schooling here and for them will go smoothly. Lots to do, but that was a HUGE hurdle and I did it in under 6 days. Praise the Lord! I can't WAIT to show you their pictures!!! They are so so cute.

lifebook craziness

2011-08-08T07:47:00.000-07:00

We were informed suddenly that deciding to move forward with these three children in TX meant we needed a lifebook. (?!) I have never had to do one! Our agency had always asked for update photos and stuff but not a whole BOOK. Of our LIFE. We had 15 yrs of photos to scan through,,pick out, then put in a scrapbook! Then write up tidbits about each member of the family and got CRAZY! My niece was here with her family because their AC was being replaced. So She helped me. I cannot imagine getting it done without her!!!! It looks amazing!!!! So I will mail that out tomorrow.(a few more pics are going in today) Now I have odd paperwork to fill out that is confusing and crazy and I have no idea where to start! Please pray for me?

Today's News!

2011-07-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

Today began with an email from a case worker that the little girls I wanted had been assigned to another family.(insert moping for about 2 hrs here) We already knew we were having a staffing today(our caseworker was talking with the staff on our behalf). So I waited and waited for her call. There is a sibling group of three kids in Houston. ADORABLE! D is a ten year old boy, J is an 8 yr old girl, and the baby A is a just turned 4 yr old girl. She told me more about them. We had inquired about these kids a YEAR Ago!! Then they went off the websites and we heard nothing else. At. ALL. We just assumed they had been placed already. So our caseworker called to tell me "they are yours if you want them!" OHMYGOSH!!! I have had butterflies all day since. Seriously, can't think. And we really need to pray and think and not make the decision just because we have waited so long. Will you please pray with us? We need to call our case worker back tomorrow with an answer. Then we begin more final paperwork, and discuss visitation(they are several hrs away!), and start making plans.

July 2011

2011-07-18T13:13:00.000-07:00

Kids at the zoo 2011

Moriah and Daddy taking a break at the zoo!

And Elijah pretending to ride the gigantic turtle statue. No worries, no actual turtles were harmed in this process!

Elijah pretending to be blown away by the ginormous fan.

Olivia loving the pool!

I even got in on the pool fun!

You may be wondering what our family has been up to?? Well, we went on a little vacation. Last year our vacation included Dan injuring his ankle. Rupturing his achilles tendon to be exact! It required surgery and months of recovery! We were praying for a safe trip this year! We only went three hrs away and rented an apt/hotel. It was two bedrooms and two bathrooms and came with a washer/dryer. It had two meals a day in their cafeteria, and about 6 pools! Not to mention a lovely lake and ducks. And yes three TVS and free internet. Which is apparently very important to this crew.
We managed a trip to the zoo and met up with long-time friends.(some of our kids best friends) We went to the science museum(AMAZING!) and we swam. and swam. and swam. :-) It was 105 degrees on average. Next year I think we should take out vacation in the fall. Unless we are going somewhere cooler!

Panic sets in

2011-07-14T10:32:00.000-07:00

We have been working on adoption for three years. Seriously. We have had two failed ones in that time. One was seriously devastating. Now we are being considered for a sibling group in TX. And there is one in AR I really hope we get picked for. But really I think that is all we have on the table right now. And those are not for sure things by any means. But I need prayer! I am starting to panic. If we get the TX kids we have to public school them for the six months post placement. Then once the adoption is finalized we are set. I am nervous. About a vast number of things. At this moment, my house is a MESS with a capital M. I feel I am barely swimming on so many subjects.(house, marriage, kids, schooling...etc) So that I feel like an utter failure on so many things. I am feeling the discouragement so deeply that it is even out of MY normal Eeyore mode. I know it is an attack and I know I need prayer and Godly wisdom. Please pray for us? We need the kids God has ready for us. We need to not make rash decisions out of desperation and exhaustion. We need to get ourselves together on the home keeping and schooling again. And I need time to think, pray and work. I need to surround myself with supportive people and not the sponges who dry me out with their neediness. can you my sweet bloggy sisters please pray for us??? thank you so much!

Fun and tasty summer treat

2011-06-28T17:14:00.000-07:00

We have a subscription to Family Fun magazine. It is a seriously FUN magazine. There are always crafts, recipes and fun things for.... FAMILIES! They are timed right and great ideas. (for example, while we homeschool, not everyone does. There were awesome end of year teacher crafts gifts that would be fun and easy and melt any teachers heart.) A springtime one included a recipe for mega bubble mix. We LOVED it! The last one though had a really neat recipe idea. It was home made ice cream in a bag.
www.familyfun.go.com/recipes/homemade-ice-cream-in-a-bag684806 They even have a video! Fun and yummy! (by the way, I used fat free half and half and it was yummy!!)

Home- made laundry soap

2011-06-16T16:26:00.000-07:00

Here is an awesome recipe for home made laundry detergent!
1 1/4 c white vinegar
1 c baking soda
1 c washing soda
1 c Borax
1/4 cup liquid detergent or castille soap
essential oils if you want

Use a stand mixer if you have one, and a BIG bowl.(the baking soda and vinegar will FIZZ!!)
pour in the vinegar first. Then the baking soda. Let the mixer stir those together and when they fizzle out, add the Borax. Mix well. Then add in the washing soda. Mix these ingredients really well, scraping the sides if needed. Then add 1/4 c liquid soap. Stir this for a long time! (This is when you add the essential oils too by the way!) If it is not really well mixed, it will turn hard as a brick. You want it to look like an almost foamy mixture. I let my mixer go for about 5-8 minutes on med -high speed while I clean up the rest of the mess I have made. I use a rubber spatula to scrape every bit out into my container. I use a tight sealing container, but leave the lid off for the first 24 hrs or so. It will dry out from a foamy mixture to a dry fluffy powder overnight.
I use Purex soap, and this means my bottle lasts MONTHS! Walmart sells the washing soda and borax now and my ingredients cost about 10 dollars and last quite a while.
OH! Use 1/4 cup for a double load sz. 2 TBS for a regular load. It does not suds so, don't think it isn't cleaning. I use vinegar in my softener ball. Or there is a home made softener which will be y next post. Sorry no pics, but I am horrible with gettting pics loaded on the computer and re-sized. I thought you might be able to use the information and recipe though even without photos. This is a fun project that my 9 yr old can do even, and it saves quite a bit of money. We do at least three loads a day, and I am making this batch once a week. Have fun!!!

Keep praying?

2011-06-10T16:05:00.000-07:00

We have had no new news yet on the adoption front. We had our updated home study(including the visit). It was insane. Right in the middle of baseball camp(which is that kid's only activity this year), and children/teen theatre. We had two flooring projects and a few other odds and ends house remodeling jobs we were in the middle of that had to be rushed up.(and cleaned up!) It was a mass exodus of clutter.We got it done though and we are just waiting to hear about match ups!!! Please keep praying for the kids God has for us to come quickly! I hate to think they are waiting and we are waiting and paperwork shuffles are keeping it all bogged down. We have had so many episodes of bad news we are ready for some good news!

possible?

2011-05-30T09:25:00.001-07:00

We may have a possible match. It is a three sibling group that is two girls and a boy. We are praying now. We should get more info Tuesday. Right now we are getting the house ready for an updated home visit. Eek.... I was painting and flooring.... it looks like a construction site in a few rooms. pray??? I will keep you posted.

oh. my. word

2011-05-27T21:03:00.000-07:00

Ok, I haven't been on here in a while. Maybe there aren't even any readers anymore. But I need to vent out into cyberspace and hopefully be heard by SOMEONE who will then pray for us. I have spent all day mulling this over. How to word it? How to be as polite as possible. etc. Here is the situation: we are still working on a foster- care adoption. We were hoping to get a small sibling group from foster care. After the HUGE disappointment of last spring, we had hoped we would have better luck. As it turns out we have had more bad adoption experiences. We had one staffing in MO that did not pan out. The kids and I were pretty sad about that one. Then there have been several different families we have been "considered" for since then, but turned down as well. Then yesterday, I received a package in the mail saying "congratulations, you have been accepted as the adoptive parents for ____" It was for a sibling group I had fallen in love with. I had REALLY wanted them. And it was between our family and one other with our agency. But they had chosen the other family. So I called our case worker and she said, " oh, that has to be a mistake." I called 2 workers twice each(leaving messages) then waited to hear back. I finally got through at the end of the day and this one said,"I can't tell you anything, I am waiting to hear from the supervisor." This morning that one called me and said " I am calling to tell you, it WAS a mistake. Another family was chosen for those kids. I guess it got mixed up at the other office." GAH!!!! How can they make such a horrific mistake?? How can they not even say sorry???? They just blamed each other!!! I now have a pkg that I have to PAY (!?) to mail back to them that I was not supposed to receive??? And it is a cruel blow that it was kids I realllllllly wanted. I have one little girl not so happy about this development either. And a teen who says I should just claim them by filling out the paperwork anyhow. We could call it an intervention from God. oops.
So, now that I have blown up about it, and vented about it, I need prayer for peace and my faith to be restored. I am feeling such frustration and depression over this long drawn out experience. I am seriously tired of the stupid enemy interfering with our dreams. I will sleep tonight dreaming of the kids GOD has for us, and know they will be even better for us than the sweet peanuts I was coveting from another family. I will trust that God will work all things together for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. Maybe this means I will have extreme favor in that state in the near future. And as hard as it may be, I will refrain from writing a biting letter of injustice(even though I totally rock at those) So, any who are still following the drama of our lives-- please keep us in your prayers??

Rainy days

2011-05-23T09:08:00.000-07:00

What do you do on rainy days? Well, when we had little baby chicks in a box in the living-room for a while, we would get out a chick. Or three. Three kids plus three chicks... equals a ton of fun. We only play for a few minutes because of the obvious mess factor and lots of handwashing but it was fun while it lasted.
One decided he needed a pirate costume to go with his parrot, I mean chicken- on his shoulder.

Moriah gives them way too many snuggles. Some rather hard squeezes. They cheep a lot when with her, she says it is because they love her. Of course it is Sweetie. It can't be because they fear for their little lives.

Home made wet wipes

2011-04-21T13:06:00.000-07:00

Making wet wipes is super easy and saves a lot of money. It is also healthier too. Regular wet wipes can contain all sorts of things you don't want on your baby's skin. Some contain formaldehyde.. did you know that? Then add perfumes and alcohol... well it can be a bad deal. (not all of course, but some)
These are great for babies with sensitive skin or eczema. They help deter yeast rashes and clear them up.
Step one: gather supplies. You need Bounty paper towels(no other ones work as well! )I use select- a -size which we get at S@ms for less in bulk. You need warm water(about 2 cups. Oil of some sort.(olive, apricot, vitamin E oil, etc) You will need tea tree oil and some other essential oil (lavender is nice), a sharp big bread knife, a cutting board or tray. You will need a container.(I have used a Rubbermaid style big cannister. Others have had good luck with giant coffee cans)Cut an "X" in the lid.

Step two: cut your paper towel roll in half.(this is a bit messy with little fluffy tidbits but it is easily swept off into the trash if you are careful. Loosen the inner cardboard tube and pull it out. The wet wipes will come from the center out the top of the "X"

Step three: add your oils to the water and stir well.

Step four: pour water/oil mixture into the container.

Put the lid on and pull the paper through the "X."Let them sit for a few minutes if possible to let them all get saturated.

There! You are done! These are money saving and healthier. You can adjust the recipe however you want. If you want less oil, or they seem too dry you can add more water. Or different essential oils to get your perfect scent. Tea tree oil is an antibacterial one so you need to keep it, but play around with others. I like to label the back with the recipe so I remember what went in but also so others can re mix them without my help!

Mama on a mission

2011-04-21T12:56:00.000-07:00

Here at the home in the woods, Mama is on a mission. The mission is: to save money, to get healthy, and get out of debt.
The beginning if this is simple in theory.
*It begins with shaving of any extra spending. I figured the best place to start was to cut off some of the misc. stuff. So I have been trying to find cheaper ways of getting the things we need. There will be a lot of these posts coming up. Home made everything! Well, not EVERYTHING, but still I may be going a bit hippie on ya. Bohemian even.
*The next bit is to get for ourselves or make for ourselves anything we can. We have begun a garden. We are raising chicks. We are trying to learn the art of self sufficiency in some degree. It is a tall mountain to be self sufficient and we are only on an anthill, but I figure everything we do teaches us something and helps cut some spending. So it will help at least a little. Recycling, reusing, and restyling are going to come in heavy here.
*The best part of this whole ball of wax? The saving. What I save from my efforts will be saved and put to debts or needs that wlll keep us from occurring anymore debt. I hope by tax season of NEXT year, to see a big difference in our debt and savings.
*An extra here, is that I want to give more. Obviously to our church, but also to people. Give my time, energy, and gifts. One thing I am working on, is Christmas gifts. Crochet or hand-made things that I make throughout the year are being earmarked for certain people and put up in my closet to await Christmas! I hope to have a vast majority of Christmas ready by the time that season hits!

Tornado in a small town

2011-04-20T11:26:00.001-07:00

I am sure you have seen the national news about tornadoes lately. I wanted to share a bit and ask for prayers. Also I would like to share with you our powerful Father's abilities to keep his children safe. We spent Friday before last in a sheltered area of the hubster's workplace. My brother lives about 30 minutes away. They have no storm cellar and a new house and two little ones. I was terrified for them. The news was showing that the worst part of the storm was just a few miles from their home. I texted them and they were safe, for the moment. That was the text. "for now" There were more to come. After the storms, and I knew they were ok, there was nothing to do but pray and go to bed. Nothing else we could do.
They were without power for 24 hrs or so.
The Tiny town of Tushka-- only a few miles from the-- was a different matter. We have three families in our church there in Atoka (that I am currently aware of) that have lost their homes completely. Another had some severe roof damage. There are down trees, power lines... etc Some families right now with nothing. And entire school was destroyed. One church we saw had serious damage. It is just so awful to SEE the devastation up close. Things that shouldn't be together that are complicatedly intertwined. Like metal roofing wrapped like a twist-tie around the branches of a tree. Trees were ripped off , or even up at the roots. BIG trees, not saplings. Rvs in people's yards. Upside down. Semi trucks piled in a heap like some toddlers toy trucks in a yard. It is awful to see at the top of a hill where a beautiful Two story home was, to just see a big blank spot with debris. It is hard to believe. But these people have lost everything. Memories, photos, clothes... all they have is each other. Miraculously . In two homes, the ONLY thing left standing was the shower or closet in which they were hiding. Several people were told by God, "get out" and their homes were destroyed. One lady just said "my house is just gone! I don't know where my house is." We have church members feeding families, tacking on tarp over damaged roofing, cutting trees that are downed doing tons(literally) of laundry. There is so much to do and I need wisdom even knowing HOW to help. Please keep these families in Tushka and Atoka, and Lane OK in your prayers.

Gardening begins

2011-04-07T21:36:00.001-07:00

We kicked off Gardening this year with a "class" about gardening with our local homeschooling group. The kids learned some basic gardening ideas. They made gardening books. They planted a sunflower seed, and started a bean in a baggie to watch it grow. So far we have 2 of the five sunflowers growing. But it is not the seeds fault I am afraid. Some were "oversaturated" despite our teachers' warnings. Some were plucked up to check their roots early.
These pics are of that class. Riley, being a teenager, spent more time socializing than actually planting. But as a homeschooled teen with younger sibs.... he may have needed a bit of that.

We did a garden several years ago when the littles were babies. But um, it wasn't all that productive. The Hubster joked about the 2.00 cucumbers. That was all we had I think. A few cucumbers.
THIS year, I am preparing soil, planting seeds indoors, "planning" the garden... I am much better prepared. Not only those things, but also I have big time help! Elijah says he loves using the tiller. He BEGS to get to use it.(?!) Riley is BEGGING to get to build a chicken coop and chick pen and raise chickens!(!?) Isaiah has found a use for his strength and activity. He has been hauiling and lifting nearly his own body weight in dirt and manure for the soil. He digs, hoes and plucks out rocks like a machine! Moriah is not too into this "work" thing yet. But she swings and works the rake a bit. She prefers "break time" Olivia loves the planning part. she is soaking her morning glories seeds and we will plan those tomorrow to go over the arch we bought.(still in box at Goodwill for 2.00!!)
Dan said I deserve a gold star for getting them ALL out together and working. One rides the mower, one does the weedeater...etc. It is AWESOME! I am seriously hoping we get a decent batch of food this year. It would be great to get food for free this summer and fall!

A brother sandwich

2011-03-22T21:26:00.000-07:00

I am third in our family. A girl sandwiched between two brothers. My older sister is ten years older and moved out to get married by the time I was old enough to appreciate a sister. So sad. Then the boys? Well, they could have been Jesse and Frank James. If you think differently: stay posted. I have pictures to prove my theory. My older brother recently came back from FL for a visit. It was the first visit in several years. When we last saw him and his family it was a tearful departure and my almost six year old was a freshly turned 1. Now their boys(who were CHILDREN!!) are teens. And tall gangly things. Time flew apparently. Anyway, here are my brothers, Joe(the youngest on the left) and Paul (the old guy on the right.lolol just kidding by the way!)
This was us back a few years. The baby is Joe. The pretty lady my mom, the adorable long haired boy is Paul, and the oh so cute girly in the middle is... oh that would be me. :-)

This would be Paul with Isaiah's capgun and hat. Looking like a wild west cowboy(in cargo shorts and a windbreaker?) I am afraid neither of my brothers will ever grow up. And that may be a pretty great thing.

A New year

2011-03-08T09:26:00.000-08:00

Here is to hoping this year is much MUCH better than the last. This month marks 1 year since our adoption trauma of Jackson. It took most of the year to get to a point where I can write about it, talk about it, or even think about it. But now that I can-- I am done. I pray for that little boy a lot, but I will not spend any more emotional energy wondering. He is in God's hands. And so is his mother. and the best part?? So am I. This year I am finding the little things of routine and order are so comforting. This will sound silly, and VERY OCD... but it is true. I love the spring when we get all new undies/socks, towels, washcloths etc. Call me silly, but it signifies a new beginning in some strange way. Well, as I was dealing out the new socks, I thought I might share a tip. At our house, we have color coded things for the kids. Each kid has their color. I use this color for their towel and wash cloths(they each get 1 towel for a year, and three or 4 washcloths! and it works!) they have their color for toothbrush, their personal bucket,and their cups! pencils, notebooks, boxes for their school papers... etc are all in their color. I cannot BEGIN to tell you how much this has helped! It is organized but it is also helping to lessen illness. It really lessens the laundry! It seriously lessens the dishes. If I see a pencil on the floor-- I know WHO it belongs to! Well, there is another BIG tip, it is the SOCKS. If you have more than one kid, you know how insane the socks can get. About 4 yrs ago, I bought cheap fabric paint in their colors. 5 tubes for about 1.00 each. Then I buy them all new socks. In March it is the boys, in April, it is the girls. That way it doesn't kill the clothing budget for a whole month. lol I get about 10 pr each. I write one letter on the top of each sock in that kids color. After 20 "E" s, I let it dry, and Elijah's are done. Just imagine: a basket of a hundred socks. They are all marked with colored letters. This is a GREAT project for the littles. Even if they do not know the letters that start everyone's names, they know the colors! You could do a dot on each if the letters are too much. But this cuts sock sorting time to about a quarter of the regular time. (or even less) We throw away all the holey socks.(and with boys this generally means ALL the socks from last year) I have more tips and tricks I want to post but it will take some time. The bathroom buckets are a BIG help. This is the time of year that all the new bright colors of spring stuff come out. We have found the top easy to find colors are :red, orange, yellow, purple, pink, green, yellow, and blue. We can generally find all our stuff in these colors. Places to shop:
IKEA has the cheapest cups/plates/bowls for little kids.
Big lots(buckets/containers/ big kid cups
Walmart.... everything else. lol
If you have questions let me know. A funny happened for the hundredth time last night. When I got the socks all marked, I told the boys-- "get your socks and throw the old ones out!" They all three cheered. lol "NEW SOCKS! YAY!!!" they act like it is some amazing thing. They go on and on about how they are sooooo cushy. yes it might sound sad, but really I am glad they can be grateful for socks.

the funny version of gift of the Magi

2011-01-18T08:03:00.000-08:00

Wow, I have been out of the blog world for a while. So sorry. I am so behind. I have to share a funny Christmas story with you. This year, I knew my hubby wanted a big TV. OK, you must know, the budget was not going to allow the size he would like to have(nor would our living room for that matter.) So one day not long before Christmas, I took my kids to play dates and the teenager with me for assistance. We went to w/m and looked for an HR at just the TVs. We checked prices, size, brands until I had a headache. Then we picked the reasonable one, and even took it to the little end of the aisle scanner thingy so we could be CERTAIN it was the right price.(note here, two people holding this TV under that teeney bar code scanner long enough to hear the Beep.... hilarious because the barcode was at an odd spot out of the range. lol we were squatted down and holding it weird and looking like idiots.)
When we got to the check out, I paid with my personal credit card to be super sneaky. ;-) I taught my teenager so many shopping tricks.
Then, even though we were on the same side of town as the kids, we had to drive 20 minutes back to our place because my niece lives close to us and I was storing it in her garage. We did a super fast drop off, then raced back to get the other kids. The hubby was home from work and cooking by this point. We all came in and collapsed on the sofas. Chatted about the day a bit.Then a call came. It was from his dear friend from our college days. He is a bachelor still. They chatted. After he got off the phone, he says, "guess what?! Jon wants to give us his TV and entertainment center!!! IT IS HUGE!!!" lol I just sank back to the sofa. laughing. I had to go to the other room and inform the teen. He sat down all dejected on his bed and said "WHAT?!" I said, yep, Buddy, we get to take that thing back. lol
ok, well, while my big gift for him was ruined, we still got an amazing and FREE TV. He later said it was the thought that counts. I dunno about that. It seems to me that Jon thought way more of him. lol just kidding. Anyhoo, we are very grateful for our new TV and for our sweet friend who answered a prayer. Guess I was just not sneaky enough. But there is always NEXT year. For which I will begin planning now.

Ribbit

2010-11-27T12:52:00.000-08:00

I designed a frog hat! I have to admit I think it turned out pretty cute. (and the model might be pretty adorable too! We are having fun drawing out designs for fun hats and socks to crochet. I have stumbled on some basic hats and mittens designs and we add fun stuff to them. We now have a monkey hat, bear hat and frog. I have orders for 4 already!

new projects for sale

2010-11-15T09:24:00.000-08:00

Hey there! I was posting this on facebook and forgetting there may be some of you interested. I am making hat and mitten sets. They are crochet sets and are super cute. I can make in any size 6 mos and up. I just need you to email me your child's head circumference and width of palms. (and color of set) I have the monkey set done in brown for a friend and thought I would share the photo so you can see a bit better. I want to do a frog set in green(eyes will be big circles on top!) and mouse in gray, bear, and maybe a rabbit in white and pink. So my email is hezra_at_home@yahoo.com These will be 20.00 a set and I will have to do them first come first made. Each set will take me a few days working a bit at a time. Let me know if you are interested!

My personal review for Time 4 Learning

2010-10-25T16:33:00.000-07:00

I found this website has the potential to be very helpful for instruction and learning; however, some key improvements need to be made before I feel that it would be worth investing time and money into the service. Although, the website has plenty of animation and interaction, some basic design concepts are lacking that are holding the website back:

1. Users need to be able to skip forward and backward during character monologues.
2. Navigation seems confusing.
3. Lessons do not show as completed in some sections and seem inconstant with reports.
4. Upper level user was able to go to playground w/out doing lesson, but is typical for this kid anyway...
5. Children were generally frustrated with navigation. Not sure how to fix this.
6. Children need easy to follow assignment path.
7. Need log-out feature on every page.

Basically, our family found this to be time consuming, somewhat confusing, and a bit frustrating. I do see that it has potential to be a great tool for home educators. I just think it needs a bit more tweaking. I think another great tool for their website would be discounts for multiple kid families.

Review of Time4Learning

2010-10-04T13:57:00.000-07:00

I have been invited to try Time4Learning for one month in exchange for a candid review. My opinion will be entirely my own, so be sure to come back and read about my experience. Time4Learning can be used as a home school curriculum, for after school enrichment and for summer skill sharpening. Go to www.time4learning.com to see how to write your own review!

Summer Lovin'

2010-09-23T13:33:00.000-07:00

Where have I been you ask? Well, the hubster injured his ankle on the 4th of July. Then we found out in the same time frame that our 10 yr olds baseball team qualified for regionals and our summer vacation got a detour. I became the packer, loader and kid wrangler for the summer while you-know-who had to stay propped up. (generally with a laptop. Just sayin') So then he found out he had to have surgery to repair his tendon.(!?) And this began 8 weeks of recovery. Mercy. SO in the middle of all this, we began school and our 3 yr old golden retriever, Sam, decided he needs more space. Every day. He became an escape artist of top notch quality. He dug, chewed, pried etc every SINGLE DAY! Then proceeded to bark at the neighbors incessantly. Bark up the sun. Bark at the mailman... you get the idea. While he is a sweet dog, we were getting fed up with broken fencing and gathering his butt back to our yard! So, I took sweet pictures and posted him on facebook. AND we prayed. Many prayers. lol, anyway, a friend of mine who has 6 kids and also homeschools had lost her 5 yr old golden in AUGUST! He passed away. So they had been praying to find one and couldn't. They have 3.5 acres for him, and a pond. AND the husband said, I hope he barks, I can't stand a non barker.... well well well... Let's just say Sam might be just what you are looking for mister! They came last night with 4 of the kids and even gave us money for him!! They felt they were stealing such a great dog.(don't get me wrong, he is a great dog, but we are very very very tired. lol) So two families had their prayers answered and one dog got a really great new home. Ahhh, love that God takes care of even the things some people think are not so important.

New "do"

2010-07-29T21:51:00.000-07:00

Today I did a really silly thing. I deliberately and with appointments, took 5 kids and myself for haircuts! Our sweet ladies(bless their hearts) did two each and really fast. We all got trims, and some even 4 inches off(me Liv and Riley!) but we still have enough hair that it isn't that noticeable. It just looks better. Then the other two boys got the regular little boy short clipper cuts. Moriah, however, has been wanting short hair for a while. We waited, wondering if she really understood how long this would take to grow back out if she did NOT like it. She was adament about it still. So, today, she lost a whole ponytail. We are sending it to the Locks of Love foundation. She was as excited about THAT as the adorable new cut. We did not get a before, but we do have an after. We think our little sweetie looks pretty cute. And she keeps patting her hair and swaying her head. It is very swishy apparently. And it makes her smile.

Making memories

2010-07-21T10:09:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find yourself just running at a breakneck speed? Unaware of the details of life because they blur by you? I have never been one to move too fast. As my mom says, she carried me until I was six(and she was expecting my little brother) just to get me from point A to point B faster. I cannot imagine her irritation at my slow pace in EVERYTHING! Then there was my brother, who moved fast and decidedly and with full on determination to what he needed or wanted to do. Then there was me. The Ferdinand of our family who stopped to smell the flowers and sit under the shade. I blissfully made creative messes that must have driven my mother batty. She still says she could never find a pair of scissors after I had used them. Life has a way of teaching you lessons. Now I have five kids, and they make messes and lose scissors and move slower than molasses in the winter. Sometimes I even find myself irritated by that. When you have to get 7 people out to a drs appt and really want them to all look presentable, it can be frustrating when one or three inevitably say,"I can't find my shoes!" Especially when each kid has a sweet shoe cubby organized by yours truly. They have a place darnit!!! It is your job to get them there!!!! Then I remember, look at life from their perspective just a bit. Remember what it is like to find wonder and awe in the weird bugs or beautiful flowers. Remember when you thought that fairies lived under the porch and the trees were doing ballet when the wind blew. Remember back to when you too thought that moss was the carpet for the fairies. Remember the amazement that came when you saw the wild things. Remember the marvel of the stars at night. Waking up to go out in the pick up to watch the meteor shower. Remember the fishing trips and never catching a thing but getting so wrapped up in the excitement of "what if the big one is next??" Remember the joy of watching for deer with dad up in the tree and falling asleep because you are not a morning person and you were too young for coffee. Life is about living. Remembering what brings you joy and DOING those things every day is what really living is all about. That is the fun of kids. They make you laugh, they make you wonder, they make you marvel. We laugh so hard over nothing at all. I hear one playing his guitar and sounding just like my brother at his age! It is painful to hear the same chords being murdered over and over... but now I can laugh and use earplugs. I know what he can become because I have watched my brother do it. I have one who is fascinated by the Beatles and reading 600 pg books. I have one who has wit that my gramma would have called affectionately "smart ass." His bright eyes and fast wit and ability to think outside the box keep me hopping. Then there are my girls. One who loves to sew and makes clothes for her dolls and bears and looks just like me at 8 when she concentrates with her toungue clamped between her tight lips. I giggle at her elaborate "fashion show" and am in awe. She has a knack and an artistic eye. My baby. Who is decidedly not a baby anymore... she is a dancer and a singer and even though her genes are not mine, she is so my daughter it brings tears to my eyes. As soon as she hears a beat she is moving. As soon as she can hear the first few notes she is humming along. She has an ear for pitch and harmonies even now at 5! It is just so much fun to see these magical, everyday, mundane moments. I have a plaque right over my desk that says, "Today is the day for making memories." Memories aren't always what you see in scrapbooks. Memories are who you ARE and why. Everyone's perspective is vastly different. (even of the SAME exact happening!!) I may have never ending laundry and chores and cleaning and dishes. But I have endless hugs and giggles and sweet snuggles. The jokes that we make that only we get,the dancing we hope that no one is watching, and the songs we sing and hope no one can hear those are the memories we are busy making. Don't forget to stop for a minute (or 50) and make a memory today!!

Memorial Monday

2010-06-21T06:47:00.000-07:00

Remembering the God's amazing acts. That was something the Isrealites did well. And sometimes not so well. They built alters and memorials at some places where wonderful things happened. When God proved Himself a faithful Father, they would DO something tangible to remember. Then came the wandering in the wilderness.... I would like to NOT be a part of that, thank you. I would, however, like to remember the GOOD things and be grateful for the good God has done.
There are times when a certain little boy in our home gets to be extremely difficult. There are times when I think I need the nap or the time out. He can show all the worst human traits at the same time it seems. The bottom line though, is that God loves him, and we love him. Our Isaiah came to us as the first adoption. I had a 5 yr old boy, 3 yr old boy and an 18 month old little girl when I began dreaming of adoption. I was literally DREAMING all the time about babies on my doorstep and women passing a baby to me in a busy crowd. Odd dreams. But the weird thing was, I had WANTED another child so badly, that the idea of adoption gave me hope. Still, when a woman with 3 kids and a previous medical condition AND no extra cash lying around decides to adopt, how WILL that work? I had heard horror stories of, "it is so expensive," and "people stay on waiting lists forever!" So, over time, I put it out of my head, but never out of my heart. Not a week after the MOST realistic dream yet, my dear friend for years called me crying. Her niece was expecting. We had all three had our girls at the same time. This niece was not 18, but a 23 yr old single mom trying to finish school. I cried with her for a bit and felt hopeless FOR M for a while. Then I said, "you know K, there are SO many families waiting for babies! M could find a family if she were really overwhelmed by the thought of raising another baby. I know this last year has been so hard for her and going to school is difficult already with J. But if she could do it, that would be a way to bless others and for HER to be able to finish school and get the career she is working toward." K said, "oh, I don't KNOW. Maybe she could..." We talked a bit more and then I had to go get everyone lunch. (meaning the PBS show they were watching was over!) While I was feeding the kids, I got another call. From M!! She was crying, I said, "OH! I am so sorry this has happened." She said, "would you and Dan adopt my baby? I COULD do it if it were you guys! I know that I could." I was crying and shakey and trying to get out an answer, I had to say, "I will call him and call you back." God had given me notice of the scripture in Isaiah spread wide your tent stakes, you will not be ashamed... I had the feeling we should but didn't know if Dan would agree. Three little kids under 6 was already an armload. Then the money. The house was too small(we had already talked about needing a bigger house) But when he came home for lunch we talked more. He agreed!
Then January 31st, my baby boy was born. We snagged Aunt Ash to come with us as nanny duty. We stayed in an awesome cabin with two bedrooms. When we got to the hospital, the nurses gave ME a room to be with our little guy. M handed him over and I took care of him. Everyone was in new territory. There were tears and awkward moments all around. The birth family had to have had their mixed feelings. WE had to look like the last group that needed a new baby with all our litter in tow. But the instant I held him. Dan looked over my shoulder. The little boy was splotchy, red, had dry scaly skin from being overdue. He was skinney and wrinkly. But his silky golden hair and big blue eyes were disarming. Dan said, "oh, isn't he beautiful?"(now my previous description was true!) I said, "oh,I just LOVE him!" On checkout of the hospital, we had an entrustment ceremony, where the birthmom had a pastor pray over him, and she said her goodbyes and handed him to us for the last time. We proceeded to finish up the world's fastest, most inexpensive and easiest adoption in our century probably. Driving home felt like I had kidknapped someone's little boy! It just felt ODD to be coming home with a new baby that I did not labor to deliver. But it was lovely. We stopped for cloth diapers on the way home and some other things.(he was a spitter upper deluxe) Then we made a brief stop at Aunt Ks(who really became a bio auntie that day too). The birth great grandparents were in for a quick visit too. So they all got to meet the new little guy. His name was Isaiah Luke Joseph. We only stopped for snacks and restroom break and letting the family quickly see the new baby. Then we were off again for the other half of the home trip.
Since then, we have had with our boy-- 4 ER trips, countless Dr visits, shotsstepping on rusty nail, bee sting, bug bites,spider handling, time outs, spankings, kisses, hugs, snuggles and songs...
Lately, he has asked me "will you sing me baby songs while I fall asleep?" He told me at church yesterday that he found the girl he was gonna marry. He recently informed me that he had spent 6 yrs with me and now he would like to spend 6 with M(we have an open adoption btw) I said, "well, buddy, that isn't the way it goes. I am your mama forever and always, and M is your special friend and the lady who birthed you. We can make a trip to see her this summer maybe? I am sure she is wanting to see you too!" He was satisfied with texting her a picture of him with his new tooth gap. There are moments of chaos that seems to be all at his hands. There are moments of bliss that seem to flow straight from his heart. There are moments of in between. There are odd words spoken you could never have prepared for. But in all of it, I am oh so grateful that God said, "spread wide your tent, you will not be ashamed." I love him. He has the funniest sense of seeing the world. His blue eyes wide. His mope of golden hair and his gap toothed grin are adorable and irresistable. I am thankful that God chose ME to be his mama even though he was born of another. I am grateful that she could make such a descision to give. I am grateful we have family on BOTH sides that love us and him. I am grateful to be a mother. The only thing I ever wanted to be I have gotten. I don't care to be rich and famous(though more money... well), I don't want to drive new cars. I don't want a huge fancy house. (just a clean one!) I don't want new furniture or expensive toys. I just want a peaceful, simple home and to be the joyful mother of many.

The Widow's mite pendant

2010-06-18T12:29:00.000-07:00

In our home schooling, we have used Sonlight for the last 2 years.
We received our first Sonlight core two years ago. Our first order came with the Widows mite pendant gift. I was so touched by that! The note that came with it brought tears to my eyes. I wore it nearly every day for a long time. We began an international adoption. Sadly, the country we were working with could not allow us to continue. So even after praying for nearly two years for our "two new sisters," we were not able to bring them home. Then this March, we were asked if we were interested in a new baby boy domestically --in state!! We had three days to get ready!! We had friends bring clothes, crib, everything while WE drove to get him! We met him first. He was beautiful!! A sweet baby boy with brown skin dark eyes and lots of black hair. I was instantly smitten with him. In the photo(of our first meeting), I was wearing the necklace. We met his birthmom and spent a lot of the 24 hrs with her. She held him and we took turnd caring for him. The hospital gave us a room right next door to hers. After she signed her parental waiver, he roomed with us. We kept our door open to her though.
The day we were leaving, my husband had to go out for a few extra things for the long trip home. I had a feeling I was supposed to give her my necklace. I had to pray. It sounded so odd. It was USED!(well-used) I said, "Lord if I am supposed to give this to her tell me FAST! (she had stepped out to pack her things. We were all being discharged. I heard Him say "yes!" so, when she stepped in, I had taken it off. I was holding it and said," I have something to give YOU. It seems like not much when compared to a baby. Sorry, but it is a 'widows mite' necklace.(she was not a Christian, so I explained the story from the Bibe briefly) I felt God take over and speak FOR me. "This is to remind you to give all that you can and for all the right reasons. AND remember that you are worth everything God has to offer you!" She took it and mumbeled "thank you". Then stepped out. I sat and cried for a moment wondering if I had done the right thing or not. I felt silly, and I was emotional about the rush and flurry of adoption. We a were released not long after that. We took our little guy home and spent the next two days falling MADLY in love. Our other 5 children were in awe of him. We called the first day home the "auntie parade." Aunts, Nonnie, and friends poured in to see him and hold him. On the third day, we were blissfuly alone. My husband had gone back to work. The kids were back into the school routine. The baby was so easily adaptable-- he was in the bouncy seat on the table while we did school! Or in the sling while I was up working with kids. That morning, our social worker called with devastating news. The birthmom wanted him back. There are 72 hours in which the birthmom has every legal right to request the baby back. I sobbed. I felt like my world was closing in and that I was having a full scale emotional breakdown. I called my husband who rushed home. I called my niece and close friend. They both came instantly. My friend said, "we can fight this-- it is so close! the papers were being filed today!" I had asked God what should we do. He said so very clearly,"Give back, show love, build trust." He said "she needs to see that I gave MY only son for HER. She needs somone to love and someone to love HER" Someone very close to me in our family, had placed her baby for adoption decades ago. She got her back when she was a few mos old. I called her. She said, "If I could have found who she was with(the baby had been placed in foster care as a legal risk adoption I assume), I would have gotten her back on the second day. You are doing the right thing to give back." I knew it was right. That didn't make it easier. We packed his little things. We made sure he had the outfits she had bought. We sent diapers and formula. We packed him a bottle for the trip. Then after he left, we left town to visit dear friends. My husband had a conference three hrs away and we decided to go with him the next day so we wouldnt be home missing the baby.
The next day, I found her on F*cebook. We had talked about that at the hospital. I wanted to know she had him and all was well with him. She sent me messages back. Pictures and all. Then she opened the door for something more when she said, "I have been thinking about my life needing to be very different with him in it. I have been asking a counselor about becoming a Christian."
I told her what God had told me about her needing to see that pain of giving up a son, and that HE had done that for HER. We messaged back and forth for days, then she asked again, "what does my necklace mean exactly?" I was able to share the full story with her. Later that week, she said, "I am going to become a Christian. I need a few days to think and pray-I have been PRAYING! AND I know he hears me!! I want it to be a real life change.
I had asked the Lord to show me the good in our situation. He did. I wish that I could say that I am okay with it still. I know what an awesome thing it is to have contributed to the salvation and change of his mother and giving hope to his life. I am human though. And the pain is still very fresh. It has only been a few months since his birth. In that time we have gotten rid of every baby thing we had. It was just too hard to live with it here. I gave it all to people who needed it, or gave borrowed things back to their owners. We miss him so greatly. We had two failed adoptions at the same time. It coincided then, with the reordering of school books because we are at the end of our year. I placed my order and saw at the end, that I may choose a free gift. As you can imagine, I WANTED a widows mite pendant(I miss that too), but I was actually afraid of it being too painful to wear. I asked God though. He said, "get it. you need to be reminded that YOU have given ALL you could for ALL the right reasons." And so, I got our order, I opened the pendant. It was very differnt from the first.(they are all unique) I am hoping today to get a new silver chain so I can start wearing it. I think it may end up being instead of a reminder of pain, a reminder of Hope. A reminder of His love for ME too. And above all it is a reminder that I still hear His voice and I am still on the right path No matter what storm or tornado or fire seems to hit (even if they feel like they are all hitting at once) He is there. HE has not forsaken.

titles and boxes

2010-06-17T07:33:00.000-07:00

There is this thing that just stabs me in the gut. I HATE being misunderstood. I HATE being labeled. (I do have a OCD style problem with labeling STUFF but that is a different post completely) I HATE being put into boxes. Sometimes it feels as if women are the worst about this. We need to put the other moms in groups for our own comfort's sake. Are you a Christian? Oh, well, then I know ____ about you already. Are you a home schooling mom? Ahhh, that makes so much MORE sense. Did you do home birth.... ummm yeah, now I see where we are heading. Do you stay home all day with 5 kids and you actually LIKE it? OK right, you are a bohemian, hippie Christian crazy person. See?? They think they have me pegged in one conversation. But I am more than any of those. So much more. I have this need to NOT be stuffed into those boxes because it limits your friends, it limits your connections and relationships and it limits your life. I want to glean and learn from people from all walks of life. From women who are different from me, but then relax sometimes with those who are similar. There will be those that are like sisters. Those you can be yourself with. There should be those that you feel challenged to be with. They challenge your thinking and your beliefs because they are different from you. I have been great friends with two different women who are atheists. Then I have a friend who has been bi sexual. I have one who is homosexual. I have ex alcoholic friends, I have friends who are or used to be involved in drugs. I have friends who drink and cuss. I have friends who are of different faiths. And each one of them are amazing awesome people with so so much to offer. I went to a church once that had a "prostitute ministry." It had a better name, I can't remember what it was called, but they went out on the streets and ministered to the girls and women. I think it is awesome. That is the heart of Christ. Reach people WHERE they are and love them! Meet their needs and draw them to Him. Not draw them to church, not make them look like you, not put them in your "Christian box" and set them in a pew. Go out to them. Meet them. Love them. Spend time with them. And whatever you do, do not discourage them or kick them while they are down about living life that is different from what YOU believe to be right.
A favorite quote of mine--
"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" Ghandi
While this MAY seem like a slap in the face of Christians, it should be more of a wake up call. We should wake up, come alive and get involved. Each person getting involved where they FEEL the burden of love and life(for me it is kids). When every Christian does that-- they will be so busy DOING and BEING there won't be time for petty attacks and pecking and fighting between us. And no more people who think the title of Christian is a bad thing.

the new pool

2010-06-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

We have come to a solution on a pool... It has taken YEARS to figure this out! We ave joint ownership on a pool that will be in my neice's yard! She is only 7 yrs younger than I so we are more like sisters. We have kids simlimar ages. (ok she has 2 and I have 5, but my youngest two are close to hers) Anyway, our yard is currently needing work and being over run with itchy plants and irritating dogs. But our kids need a place to play and it is so darned hot we NEED water!!!
So I got this brilliant plan. We buy a pool that will live in their yard. Voila! I went with the kids and we helped set up the pool. It was a lot longer out in the sun than I guess I noticed, because by the time Nikki said, um you are looking kind of red... it was bad. I always get worse after I go inside. It becomes redder and redder. Now I am lobster red, I have a permanent white tank top. I hurt. I am greasy with cocoa butter. The pool is filling at a rate of about 1 inch per two hrs. So since we got a sort of big one, we may get to swim sometime next week with it fully filled. And here is the stupidest(is that a word?) part: I had sunscreen in my bag in her house. I just never got it ON me! duh. My sweet friend Stephanie reminded me, it is sunscreen BEFORE you go out. OK I will add myself to the dingbat list, because I ended up with cocoa butter AFTER. I now look like a freshly buttered lobster. hmm, I am hungry...

in case you wondered

2010-06-11T07:29:00.001-07:00

In case you were wondering why I have removed some pictures from my blog, I have been having to remove comments from someone who uses odd characters in their comments. Then when I click on the website, it is not a good one! I feel I have icky people lurking around my blog and that makes me feel less safe about photos of my kids being up. So sorry if it makes the blog a little boring. But a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.

Stepping up to the plate. again

2010-06-09T18:37:00.000-07:00

No, this is not a post on adoption. So sorry. I am going to discuss a bit of motherhood. We have to do LOTS of things as moms. Some we like, some we love, some we HATE. But we do it because it is our job. We take the good with the bad and we love our kids. Last week, I let my 8 yr old practical BABY go ff to summer camp. It was a two day camp and her counselor was a dear friend of mine(who was sweet enough to txt me every night and say how much fun my baby was having). It was HORRIBLE to pack her up and send her off! I missed that kid like my left arm(I am a lefty). Then this week, my 2nd born 10 yr old boy was off to baseball camp for the first time. It involves staying with my parents for days. They have so kindly taken him too and from and packed him lunches and waters and rewashed his 1 pr of baseball pants every night. It has been so much fun for him and he has learned so much already. Today was mom and dad day. Meaning the moms and das go. And they bat. Now, my son did not gain ANY of his sporty ability from me. I wish, but sadly, no. So I spent Tuesday night wondering if there were any other way. Could I hire someone to bat for me? Could I just back out? I had my brothers 4yr old and 6 month old... I DID have kind of a lot of kids. But nope, mom offered her help there too. And she brought a camera.(bless her heart...) So,I talked to my kid the night before, I said, "you know I will likely not hit, right?" He said, "that's ok, mom, you wont be the only one!" I said,"It could be embarrassing." He said, "I won't be embarrassed." So this am, I did the hardest, out of my comfort zone thing in a long long time for the sake of motherhood duty. I will gladly tote along extra kids. I will accept slobbery kisses from any child. I even Accept my nephews darling hugs with hair pulling and squealing in my ear. I will endure the grate of my nieces whine that tends to feel like fingernails on a chalkboard. I will stuanchly time out my 5 and 6 year old without batting an eye for various activities of ill repute. I will even face the changing attitudes of my new teen. But BAT!?? Infront of my home run hitting very talented kid??? Come on....
So again this morning, as they were lining moms up in the dugout, I said, "ok, kid, here is the bottom line question... will it embarrass you more if I try and miss or if I don't try at all?" He said, "if you don't try at all." So, I got in line. I grabbed the first bat I came to. And after that gramma went, I heard "NEXT." I jogged up to the plate. I raised the bat and held my breath. I hit three out of the several he pitched. I heard lots of cheering-- GOOOO MOOOOOOM!! and some extra boy voices screaming "whooooo" that my son must have enlisted to help cheer from the campers. ANd I heard my nieces screechy whiney voice scream "GOOOOOO AUNT HEZRA!!!!!" and then "YAY YOU HIT IT!!!!" lol, and then my moms clicking brought me back to reality. lol, one of the coaches said, "nice cut!" about my hit? hee hee, bless his heart. Sweet guy.
So, today, I stepped up to the plate in a whole new way for me. I totally got ou of my comfort zone. And I hit a few and missed a few. But the kid was happy. I think that is what life is all about.

A teenager

2010-06-01T05:44:00.000-07:00

The first teenager in our house! Ry has become a teen. Though he is handsome, funny and smart, it frightens me. I am not sure why. He has anamazing appetite for books of all kinds, he can play drums really well, and he can sing. He is a really fun kid(sometimes). He can make me laugh and he still wants a kiss and hug goodnight every night. I know I am fortunate. (sometimes I think, so is HE)We began this dance of parenthood 13 years ago. I was not a stranger to babies. I had baby-sat for years. We even had a daycare in my home growing up! Somehow though, the job of 24/7 full responsibility was a little frightening. Then the hubster was gone after he was about a week old, for a two week summer A*RMY training. I dont think I slept those two weeks at all. I was terrified of falling asleep and not hearing him cry. We had an apartment the size of a shoebox and I was afraid I wouldn't hear him cry. He was a textbook baby. Funny toddler and sweet big brother. He began schooling early-- 3 yrs. Reading by 5. He went literally from Dick and Jane, to "Journey to the center of the earth." He has patiently born the burden of being big brother many times over. He is crazy enough like me to hope he gets to again. He is currently in the summer children's theater playing the main villian. (He won singer of the week last week!)
"They" say, that teens are like toddlers, they )want to do the independance dance. They want to know you love them and accept them, but they want to know they have freedom. I pray that I may be able to balance that... and I am terrified that I will fail in some way. Because I am human. And a mom. I know there are so so SO many things that could have already gone so badly, but he is truly a great kid. Tonight we did dishes together late and had a long talk. Girls, siblings, and the latest books. He is so fun. Thirteen amazing years and now he is the same height as me. We see literally eye to eye. Only 5 years until adulthood legally hits!?? So glad we have more time.

God provides-- Thankful thursday

2010-05-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

I love to see how He makes things happen. I love it when He provides for us. A few weeks ago, my sewing machine was broken. Just not working. The light was on, but the motor wouldnt even make a sound. I borrowed my sisters and have had it for the whole month. I just could not make myself pay a hundred for a machine right now. Well, I just prayed about it, and ask God to show me what to do and when. I waited. I haven't even thought much about it other than thinking guiltily I should give my sister's back SOMETIME. I have asked around about machine repair. Anywa, this morning, a friend texted me "do you know anyone who needs a free sewing machine?" lol
I sent back, YES! Me!! I have been praying for one!! She sent back: "lol, ok, I will get it to you this week! Love to see God do that!"
YAY! the girls and I are going to get busy making their pj shorts, and capris and hopefully a sundress or two for each.
Another blessing:
Recently a sweet dear bloggy friend of mine who is currently working on getting her new litle guy home from China, was given 2000 dollars from a complete stranger! How cool is that??

green things

2010-05-24T22:05:00.000-07:00

(poison sumac)

(poison ivy)

(poison oak)

The good news is, I think I can identify these pretty well now. The bad news is, they are all over our teensey not quite one acre property. I have heard goats eat this stuff, and I am not even kidding about buying a goat for that one purpose! I cant burn it, it may kill me! I cant cut it down. I cant leave it to grow and flourish and continue to be the Poison forest, or the yard of death. I can't hide out in the house forever.

I love to be outside. I love the fresh air. I love just sitting and watching nature happen. Unfortunately, nature is unkind to me. The sun blisters my skin, and freckles me so sadly. The stark light of day is unattractively florescent when hitting my freakishly white skin. I am allergic to everything. It is sad to admit it. Nerdy, un classy, and sad. But it is true!! The clothes line I love so much? It cost me 100.00 for a stupid teensey bottle of eye drops because my new eye Dr says my eyelids are breaking out on the inside???!!! I am allergic to wasps? Mosquito bites leave giant welts. (ok, I am not making this stuff up-- I had two great aunts that died(DIED!) from beestings, my dad tells me) Then top all that off with extreme sensitivity to poison leaves of any kind. Well, it really doesnt even have to be the poison variety. I once broke out from playing with little berry thingys on an evergreen tree. But the really bad stuff? Poison Sumac, Poison Ivy,and Poison Oak? Well, I don't even have to touch them. Two weeks ago, I bathed a kid that had cavorted in them. I got it worse than the kid! I looked like a battered wife with one eye swollen for several days! Just as that healed up, I was outside talking on my cell phone, and my cat jumped up on my lap. He swished his tail on my neck and I thought NOOOOOO!! I ran inside and hung up the phone, I used my handy new scrub and scrubbed my face furiously. Apparently I did not get my neck as well. I am now swollen and welted and itching again. I am taking benadryl. Again. I hate feeling this way and I love being outside!!! I hate looking at all green things with a feeling of fear and comtempt. I hate itching burning sensations that leave me swollen and hideous. I hate being whiney. It really is as unattractive as being allergic to practically everything. But I am whiney(and did I mention itchy?). I now want to mow the yard down to bare dirt, cut ALL greenery from my trees and yard...(we have tons of climbing vines) And find homes for all our pets.(2 cats, two dogs and a white rabbit that escaped our yard and has been living in the woods outside our fence for weeks. There is no stinking way I will even TOUCH that thing!!!) But for now, I wil escape to the bliss of a benadryl induced coma for the next several hrs. and try not to scratch. Maybe I will dream of moving to an apartment without any pets or plants. Maybe I will dream up a solution to my problem.

mom survivor- oh the things I would do!

2010-05-13T21:31:00.000-07:00

I was inspired tonight... when a friend mentioned how SHE would be killer on that show. I thought, wow! Wouldnt it be fun to have one that is full of stay at home moms of more than 1 kid? Imagine: a bunch of moms from every walk of life. Some moms with only two but others with 5 or 10! Moms who are street smart and moms who know how to make a meal with three sticks and a stone. Moms who understand what it MEANS to survive. gee, daily life in my house lately has me dreaming of at least the six week stint on an island. Those other gals would leave me alone or I would kick their bo bos. I would glare down an alligator with the single exposure of my "laser eyes" stare. I would crochet a hammock from dried grass. I would sip coconut milk like it was a full scale pina colada. I would work on a sort of tan(I freckle) I would lounge on the beach. I would cook some shell-fish on a rock, and style my hair with all natural ingredients. And with the tropical environment, I would probably have to learn to corn row it as well.(think of Monica from friends when she went tropical. lol) I would only feed ME for 6 weeks!! I would get PAID!! I would obviously lose weight and get into better shape. It would practically be like a free diet and personal trainer! Oh, yeah. I would win. Why? Because I. am. that. determined. BUT may I suggest a new reality show? Video the dads at home while the moms are gone. Hmm, what to call THAT one??Maybe, "oh shoot, she wasnt kidding?" or "Oh no, what HAVE I done?" or "While moms away..."

Butterfly Kisses(Spring Fling episode 2)

2010-04-21T22:22:00.001-07:00

Ugh, My pictures are all in the wrong order. But it has been a long day and I have them on here so OH WELL!

Olivia was in Ballet this year. This is her third recital. Their song was "Butterfly Kisses" So sweet. Flittery, fluttery little girls everywhere. THIS age bracket did not abuse their wings OR each other. They were poised, pretty and somewhat calm. Although, after dealing with bent wings pinning wings,(and of course as soon as I pinned them a certain little one had to use the powder room!)So RE pinning wings. May I just say that next year I am going to ask(no, BEG) that we have costumes with no wings or wands?? It is so much fun watching Olivia in ballet. It is the same blissful happy look I see on Elijah's face when he plays ball. This "ahhh-- I am good at this and I like this!" sort of look. My budding ballerina has grace and beauty and such great form. It is amazing to see. I am just so proud of her. And may I just say, my heart melted when, at the end,She curtsied and she blew me a kiss! Such a sweetheart!

My sugarplum(spring fling episode 1)

2010-04-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

Such Sweet feet!

This year at the Spring Fling recital, it was my Moriah's debut of dance. She is painfully shy and I cannot tell you how many times she would just leave class and put on her shoes and go because she was asked to try a new move. I asked her SO many times if she wanted to stop going to dance. She would cry and say "NO! I YIKE dance! I YIKE Miss Jenny!" so, we went. There was a sad sad sad day when I had to try the dance too to make her feel more comfortable. A woman in sz 14 Levis should NOT have to do ballet.
So, I have to admit, I was scared she would refuse to do the dance of the Sugar plum fairies for the recital. Dress rehearsal went off without a hitch. Then the day arrived. All the little sugarplum fairies were adorable. Wings. Wands. Satin. Tulle. Gorgeous slick little bunned hair. The moms took picture after picture of the sweet things. The minutes ticked by. Then the sugar plum fairies were running up and down the hall.
They were racing. They were climbing on the handrails. They were whacking people with their wands. There were runners in wings(!? I didn't even know this was possible!) Wings were sideways, wands were bent. Buns were loose and it was 15 minutes to show time.
Mom two and I were frantic, sweaty and chasing. Mom 3 just had a baby, so she was busy checking her lil one. The plan was, a few minutes before showtime, we had to leave them there in the hands of the sweet college kids who "watch them" while we sneaked in to be able to photograph their three second dance! Then we were to run like the wind to the back and around the auditorium to catch our babes on the OTHER side of the stage. Well, 2 minutes til start time. I kiss my baby tell her "show 'em how it's done Sweet!" and ran in. I got seated in time to snap on my camera and see my baby looking like a deer in the headlights. A flash of a look I had seen a thousand times ran across her face! She had seen the crowd. She was thinking of bolting. She knew where the exit was. She even looked that way for a brief second. Then the music started... and she danced the dance of the sugarplum fairies. My sweet, chubby tummied sugarplum danced! I snapped pictures like a maniac and breathed a sigh of relief. Then the music ended. She curtsied quickly and RAN like her tu tu was on FIRE for that stage exit!!! I took off like a flash. By the time we three moms got to the door where our girlies were supposed to be-- they were in the auditorium back in our seats! The girls got so excited they forgot they were supposed to wait for us and they ran to the daddies. I sat and thought, WHEW! one down, three to go. Spring fling was just getting started!

Take me out to the ballgame...

2010-04-21T21:09:00.000-07:00

Elijah is the handsome kid on the far right. This was at our first scrimmage.

Well, Baseball season has begun. Elijah has had one game and one rain out so far. He loves this game and it is so much fun to watch him have such a great time. He has been hitting harder and better this year so far. His coach asked what he has been up to because he has grown a lot over the winter and his hitting is so much better. We thought about it a while and Dan said, OH the guys have been playing with the N*rf swords! The boys battle with those so hard they may NEVER get worked up to wooden ones or, heaven forbid, real swords! He told me, "mom, I use the first second after the pitch to figure out where the ball will hit, then the next to meet it. If you take til three seconds, you miss it!" While I am not sure if he is completely right(um cause any skills he has with sports did NOT come from me!), his logic sounds good and he is really thinking this stuff out.
I think the best part is, that he really really likes the game. I heard a dad tell his kid "QUIT SMILING!" then someone must have asked him why he said that, because he said, "he plays better when he is mad." I felt so bad for that kid, because it seems so sad to take something that they love and twist it and pull all the fun out, or make it so competitive that they start to hate it. I am an awful "soccer mom" type. I am late. I am harried, and I have enough kids to have my OWN ball-team.(well, at least for some sports) I HATE trying to keep #4 safe during practices and games. I HATE feeling torn between watching the game and watching the other kids. I really stink at this stuff, but at the same time I really like letting them each do their fun thing, and for this kid it is baseball. I hope he never loses the love of the game.

Crabby

2010-04-17T17:27:00.000-07:00

I am crabby. No, that is too nice of a word. Here is the problem. I have discovered I am not a cheerful giver, well, not when it involves babies anyway. I am STILL not over the whole baby going back to his mother thing. She asked me to friend her on FB and I did so I could see an updated pic of him. But it turns out, I am still not happy about the situation. I bagged up his clothes this week. The caseworker has closed her case. He is there. He is growing. I am mad. I guess that is the bottom line. I am angry. I am angry about the entire situation. This week was recital and at rehearsal, Isaiah asked a new mommy with her baby girl in a front pack if he could please "pet" her baby. Then he told her about our baby, and had to ask me "what was his name again mom?" I was trying hard to hold it together, but yes, watching him gently pet this baby's soft head and hearing him say, "yeah we miss him lots" was heart-wrenching. The frustrating part is that I have no idea what we are supposed to do. I know what I want, and I know what I would like to have happen. But I just feel like every time I pour my heart out to God I hear crickets chirping. It is odd, because I have always felt so able to hear Him so clearly. But this is baffling. I feel His presence. I know we are taking the right steps. We see a direction we think we should take-- foster care adoption. But we just wait. I don't know whether to leave the crib, build bunk beds, set up play space... school space... I just feel like NOT KNOWING what we will do is driving me batty. So we just wait. still. And I get pictures and updates about the birth-mom and how happy she is with her baby, and I am torn. I am glad for her to have him, I am glad for him to have his mom and bio grandparents and uncle... But I Miss him so badly that the pictures cause physical ache. Then I feel ridiculous and angry with myself. Even though I am justified and in fact I know it is healthy for me to BE angry about this-- just not live in that anger. I just want to move on. I want to hear His voice clearly again. I want to know at least a PART of the PLAN!! is that so bad?

clothes line entertainment

2010-04-14T19:52:00.000-07:00

So, we don't have cable. I know we are an oddity of our current times. We do usually have access to NetFl*x and we stream movies and get a DVD once a week. The hubster had to be gone this week(5 days) for a conference three hrs from home. He took the firstborn too, which meant all our tech support was gone. Day 1: DVD player stops working. Dryer dies-- appears to be an electrical problem. sort of trips the breaker and light goes off-- but the breaker switches dont actually move. hmmmm, it responds slightly when I flip them. This scares me so I flip them off for the duration of his time away, and bought clothes line and clothes pins and take 10 yr old to baseball practice. Littlest pees my bed. Not only that, she was resting ON a nest of pillows and my beloved down comforter. 15 loads of laundry made by one small bladder. Day 2: sick of not having my shakes and bought a blender. While at wally world, I bought a replacement can opener, toaster, and mixer too. Yes mine were all broken. Netfl*ix stops working.(!?) I hang out a million loads of laundry. Didnt get to the mattress pad and comforter though. At three I have an appt with a lawyer concerning my grammas current state of medical care and the fact that I am her guardian legally. She needs to be in a home. I have to go with my mother and my little boy. Potential for disaster was great, but it went well. Little one cries off and on all night with earache. Day 3: Little one fine in the morning, so I cancel all thoughts of urgent care. Do another 15 loads of laundry(ok maybe just 5) and finally hang out the comforter and mattress pad. First baseball game of the season. #4 was a total brat at the game. The guys lost badly. I was still getting clothes in off the line at about 9:30. Day 4: we are getting used to the clothes line thing.#3 loves to help me. It is relaxing to be out in the breeze,to see the pillowcases and sheets flapping. Something serene exist in the cool comfort of the billowing fabrics. I am flooded with memories of being with my mama and hanging my baby brothers rows of cloth diapers out on the line. feeling the freckles popping out as we giggled with wooden clothespins between our teeth. The wicker basket made scratchy sounds on the grass as we slid it around to catch the diapers. I remember my brother toddling around wearing ONLY the last clean diaper, and mom looking at the sky wondering if rain would keep us from getting more out later. I loved the crispy folded stacks of exactly alike diapers. I was six. I look down at MY little girl who is 8 and wonder if she will think of this one day too. The animals have gotten in on the fun. The cats are certain the sheets are for their entertainment and we all laugh at how we will explain it to dad if they shred them. The sleepy sheepy had to be washed and thus dried. #4s "night night" had to hang on the line by his ears. The dogs were tortured because they LOVE stuffed animals. Much barking and jumping ensued as he was just out of reach. The dumber of the two dogs is Addy. She chases things. Leaves, butterflies, and of course -- shadows. This means clothes flapping on a line are extreeeeeemely intriguing. She may have doggy OCD. But it is super hysterical to watch. She also chases the shadows of kids on the swings. (can you see where this could be dangerous?) I said "oh no!" Olivia says, "yeah I KNOW! I klonked her good yesterday,"(accidentally) I said, "oh THAT is what is wrong with her!" My dear daughter says flippantly, "oh no, she was stupid before I klonked her."
There has been a ton of laughter over that clothesline this week. We have dropped a few things and had to rewash a few things. It has take TONS of time. But I am guessing it has saved us in the electrical bill department. It has had us entertained and forced outside. We now have stacks of fresh air filled towels and my sheets.....and that deliciously cozy comforter... it is as if they have all soaked up the sunshine into the very fibers of the fabric and transported it inside. I only hope I did the same.

humbling

2010-04-09T23:29:00.000-07:00

I have learned that motherhood is humbling. From the very beginning. You have to actually degrade yourself to urinating on a stick! COME ON!! Then you announce to friends and family. THEN they all know what you have been up to! I blushed everytime I got the knowing glances and the hubster got the elbows to the ribs. Then, came the Dr visits. There were invasive exams that bordered on violation. Months went by as my firstborn grew. And grew. And grew. (side note-- you should ask how big of a baby your fella was BEFORE you decide to marry him and bear his children.) My firstborn had a 15 inch head and he weighed 8 lbs, 5 oz and he looked like a three month old baby! There were more people in that room to see his birth than I could imagine! I thought at that moment, that I had lost whatever tiny bits of my pride I had left. I was a shy and modest person before birthing a baby. I STILL am to a degree. But it was definitely a culture shock. Then the nurse actually grabbed me in certain places to teach the baby to "latch on and nurse properly" It was all very humbling and in fact a big reason I have had doula training and love to help with baby care. I want to help women to see that pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding can be done with discretion, dignity and honor. I love to serve women in that capacity.

As my kids have grown, I have had the embarrassment of not getting to bathe alone, or find moments to dress alone... I thought those were humbling. Then, this week, I had to have a head-shot photo session done by my almost 13 yr old boy.(for photography class!) He was ruthless. "mom that one makes you look as pale as a vampire!" "hmmm, you are not gonna like this!" "wow! your arms look HUGE!" "bhaaaa haa ha ha, oh mom you gotta see this one!" yes it was sad sad sad.... I said, "your job as the photographer is to find the subject's most flattering sides and angles." It took a few hundred photos and him saying "nope, that is not it" a lot, before he finally produced this:

and am I going to complain about the slight shadows or not so great lighting. Nope. Not me. I will scoop my dignity up.For it is like jello on the ground. I will piece together my self-esteem like a puzzle. I will hope that child learned something and I will hope to never have to do this again. Lesson learned!(on MY part anyway)

sunshine and smiles

2010-04-09T22:22:00.000-07:00

Riley had a photography class assignment to take pictures of family. So I tried to help him get ideas. So these I took but I thought I should explain why HE was not in the following shots.

blue stuff

2010-04-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

guess what? if you give a 5 yr old and a 6 yr old the blue mouthwash for kids(really cool-- it sort of temporarily stains the plaque, showing them where to brush more! you do this before they brush), and you put them in front of a couple of white sinks. Then you turn your back for a sec to check the 8 yr old's question. When you look back you will see two kids grinning all smurfy blue and the sinks will look like you ran the blue stuff through a sprinkler in your bathroom. I am trying to figure out if they actually learned anything. I did.

If you loan a 6 year old boy a camera....

2010-04-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

Or even if he "borrows" it, forgetting to ask, you will get some odd photos. You will get a lot of pictures of him. Self- portraits with flair. And with Dad and with the dog. You will get a photo of the neighbors pool from on top of the privacy fence that if they really wanted privacy from six year old boys, they would build it about 4 feet higher and top it with barbed wire. You will get a fun glimpse into his day. and see the world from his perspective. Even through the slats of his clubhouse.

Yes this would be the neighbors pool. REALLY Sorry Mike, but it was just too funny not to post. And yes we DID have a talk with him about not doing it ever again, and about not picking your flowers or climbing your tree. Every day this week. He has served countless sentences of time out for all of them. We are trying, but he acts before thinking, though you will be happy to know, this is getting to be less and less often the case!

From his clubhouse to the neighbors...

peace out bro! I am just too cool for my mom's camera!

let's have a pose with the golden retriever-- come on Sam, get your whole nose in there.(thanks for not licking the lens!)

and with dad. or dads mouth anyway... hmm, it would appear that dogs and dads do not fit in the viewfinder...

The madness of mess

2010-04-06T06:22:00.000-07:00

Oh my. I wake this morning. I hear the birds. I know there is spring occurring out there. But in here, it is like March Madness had a far different meaning than sports. Our March WAS madness. I know. In the hellish situation we found ourselves in with new baby and sudden loss... I think I went into zone out mode. Thanks to N*tflix. We have caught up on Elv*s movies and every episode of Lilo and stitch. But we also did not much else. We did our reading aloud. Baths and laundry and dishes. But seriously. Not much else. For two whole weeks. It is awful. I am sipping a cold Dr Pepper and trying to figure out where to begin. OH, I did do something else. I decided to patch the cracks in the livingroom floor(concrete) and repaint it. So, I happily started this project.Scootched furniture away and began. When the first third of the floor was done-- it looked AWESOME!! Then the second third... great!! Then, last night, the hubster helped me move furniture onto it because we had NO where else to stash a sofa and loveseat except on the dried part. Well, technically it needs 24-48 hrs to cure. So, it scuffed. Badly. I felt a little hopeless. Because, well, if we move furniture and it scuffs, we know what will happen when daily traffic hits it. So, now my livingroom feels all upside down, and every other room too. But where do I even begin? Seriously. Because every room I look into is worse than the last. Clean laundry has been mixed in with dirty. Every system I have has been obliterated. REALLY wishing for a fairy Godmother and a wand.....or singing birds and helpful mice??? oooh, I havent watched THOSE movies in a while...

My baby girl turns 5!

2010-04-03T20:07:00.000-07:00

How does it happen!? Just 5 years ago, I was home alone with the 4 kids. Dan had a business trip. I begged him not to go. I said, I have a feeling our baby is coming soon. He said, "How could you know?? You aren't carrying it??" Well, I knew! I was right. I had a bag packed for each kid and a diaper bag ready. He left for his conference in another state. Then I got a call that the birthmom was heading to the hospital! It was late, she was in early labor. I had a two hour drive and four kids ages 7,5,3 and 13 mos! I couldn't sleep, so I got all our stuff ready. I buckled in the new infant seat. I called the hubster. He said he had to finish the trip, but he would rent a car(he was driving the group in a company car) and head back as fast as possible. We would meet in the middle at the hospital and we would both have a few hrs on the road. The baby was born in the early early morning. I couldn't STAND staying home knowing she was finally born! They said, "she has tons of dark hair and dark skin and big brown eyes! I loaded all the sleeping kids in their carseats and still in pjs. We drove without stopping! When I finally got to hold her, I was so in awe! She was just beautiful. Round cheeks, rosebud lips... and the nurses had put a tiny white bow in her hair. She was our smallest baby.
She was such a sweet little one. Calm, easy, and hardly ever cried! I had to wake her to feed her! We named her Moriah Isabelle Faith Moore. She soaked up the loving and snuggles and was a mama's girl from the start. She lived in the sling for her first 6 months! She loved when I would turn on Norah Jones and dance around the kitchen while we loaded the dishwasher at night. She loved my singing! Her first giggle was when she was only a few weeks old(no I am serious!!). When I was giving her a bath and washed under her little double chin, she giggled out loud!(yes she is still super tickly under her chin!(chins?)
Moriah is a beautiful little girl, inside and out. She loves with her whole heart and is cautious about everything. She is really shy. But she loves to sing, and dance and can giggle so hard it makes you laugh out loud. She loves kitties and puppies and anything small. Her favorite color is yellow, and she is my sunshine! Happy Birthday to Mama's sweet five year old girl!!

New hope

2010-04-01T08:17:00.000-07:00

I have been emailing the baby's birth mom. We have built a strange but yes God built relationship. Finally after a week of building that trust, she sent me a picture and update of him. Then this morning.... the best news(no not that she wants to give him back, though that would be great) She said she has been asking a nurse about becoming a Christian. She says, seeing this baby, knowing he is depending on her, and his innocence has her seeking the VERY BEST life she can give him. So, I was able to tell her, that God had told me she needed to see HIS love up close and personal, and that He had sent His only son, and that He loves her so much, He would have done it, even if she were the only one. I told her I would love to share with her about how to become a Christian, and how having God help you make choices is such a great way to live-- not that your choices will be easier, but that you know what is right. I also told her how awesome it is to lead your child to the Lord. I told her that three of ours have become Christians and been baptized. I told her how awesome that feels.
So, that is my good news! It has been a week since the baby left our home. And God has done so much in one week! He has healed our family, He has shown us a purpose and a plan and He has turned a life that was without direction and hope into one who sees hope, love and the possibility of faith. I am excited to see how it turns out. Meanwhile, I asked our social worker about what we can do about another adoption, that I want to plan, save and pray and be prepared. She says she has a few birthmoms right now who just are not decided yet. So, if we want a newborn, that WE would be her first choice for placement!!!! So we have favor. She says fees, we can work out because we have a history with them! She has also the possibility of a young sibling group. So we are asking God to send us exactly what our family needs. And those who need us. But in the meantime, pray for this birthmom. She is so close to calling out to God and I might get to help with that! It is an awesome thing to see Him made strong in our weakness, and to see His plan even when it seems to make no sense to us. And I just know that if we desire a child so badly He won't leave us empty-armed either.

no other choice

2010-03-30T13:55:00.000-07:00

Today I have had to make yet another hard decision. Well, it seemed almost made FOR me, but I still had to take action on it. I had to email our international agency and tell them to please put the girls back on the waiting lists. We are unable to continue. We had only asked for photos and the usual medical update type of information, and in a year and a half, their country has not given this. They then made so many demands and requests for information on our homestudy, that it took a YEAR! Then, we see they want us to sign over power of attorney to the lawyer there. His words last week about stabbed me in the heart. "the girls are available for adoption, and we are ready to begin this process." But they wanted us to show we were serious(um, by sending money I suppose?) While WE wanted them to prove the girls exist and So both failed adoptions in a single week. This has me feeling pretty down to say the least. I still am waiting to see how God fills the void and blesses obedience. I hope to see some good really soon.

the kid in the middle

2010-03-28T23:05:00.000-07:00

This is an oldie... but a favorite. The baby is my little baby brother, Joe. The pretty lady would be my mom, the sweet sunshiney girl in the middle would be, oh! That would be ME! Then the oh so funny, rabbit ear making big brother is Paul. My older brother. I was the kid in the middle. The only girl child left at home.What are some things a girl learns when sandwiched betweeen a couple of determined guys like these?? She learns to always watch her back, guard her stuff and stay out of their way when they are trying something stupid.
My older brother taught me that there are some things in life you should NEVER try. Like smoking in the hay barn, riding your bike off the garage, and trying to pack three kids on a two kid sled.(in case you don't know what will happen-- the smallest kid on front WILL fall off and then the sled WILL glide over her and she MAY break a few teeth!) My little brother taught me to change diapers, fold cloth ones, and to love something smaller than myself.
They taught me to laugh, love and live. They were rough, rowdy and crazy, but they are also such loving amazing people. They are the absolute MOST amazing brothers! Yay for brothers and ode to the issue of being the kid in the middle.

Showing God's love

2010-03-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

This morning early, Dan took the kids out for Elijah's baseball practice. I was left home in quiet peaceful bliss.(ok aside from the fact the house looks like mom went on a week long holiday) I was praying, Lord, I need to SEE some good. I need to know what good so far has come from Jackson being returned to his birthmom. I need to see it desperately. I KNOW your perspective is higher and better and eternity based, and mine is right here right now and filled with my own selfish hurts. So SHOW me. please?
Because, from my perspective, I see my baby went to an unstable woman. I see an unstable woman was given a huge new responsibility, and of course MY family is missing our baby.
He said, "she needed love. She needed to SEE MY love, she needed to be able to GIVE something love. And She needed to see the heart of the Lord out loud, up close and personal. She needed to see that I sacrificed MY only son for HER, and I would have done it even if she were the only one."
How can I say it wasn't for a good reason? I mean how do you talk to God and say, but you KNOW, I um, gave up a baby boy.... yeah, you just can't.

I now feel like a birth mom. I want pictures and updates. I feel like I placed a child. To any who think birthmoms jobs are easy, you are wrong. It is a painful decision. It was painful not to fight this or beg for legal action on my behalf. It was so hard to hear Him say, "build trust, show love, give back."

I have always wanted to be an advocate for adoption. To guide and lead young women to be able to make the choice to keep or to place. Now I can see clearer both sides. I have taken the Job way of dealing with this loss. When you have nothing else you CAN do, you fall on the ground and worship. You let God into the places that are filled with pain. You see that what HE says is true, regardless of the way things look or feel. He WILL restore-- my heart, my hope, my home. I will lie under the mushroom cloud of exploding emotions and just worship, wait and see. All the while listening for His voice.And waiting to see what I know he will do-- Big time Bless my obedience. HE never fails to do that.

a new day and crazy love

2010-03-26T12:36:00.001-07:00

My sweet bloggy friend Linny has been an inspiration to me in so many ways!
her blog is here : www.aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com
(sorry I can't get my make it a link button to work!)
This is an amazing family with such meek and humble hearts and a desire to help orphans like I have never seen before. She is having a Crazy love party. She is talking about giving above and beyond the tithe.

For Linny's blog party, those with needs are supposed to enter a post of their need. I am a far better giver than receiver so this is humbling and hard.
Dan and I have been married for 14 years. We have three bio kids and have two who have been blessed to our family through the gift of adoption. We recently(in case you are new here) adopted a third newborn. Within three days, his birthmom requested him back. It has been a challenge. A heartbreaking one!! The odd thing was, we were in the middle of an international adoption of two girls, 8 and 13. When the baby boy was born and needed a family immediately.
We have always gone to our interdenominational church "Victory life". It is an awesome body of believers that has several locations. (A huge and loving family of Godly people)
When we first got married, it was only a year before we found out we were expecting our first boy! Dan made not very much money, and it seemed our tithe was so much of the paycheck. But we had been taught, "you cannot afford NOT to tithe, do it and see God move" Be faithful with the little and he will make you rulers over much. Dan has been blessed with raises and promotions and Godly favor. He makes great money for our area, but due to circumstances (medical issues and such) we have no extra money really. It all has a place. We have been saving for the girls adoption, but just used a huge portion of that for bringing home a little one we did not get to keep. So now we are staring at nearly empty accts and wondering what do we do, and how do we do it. And that is just the money part! My emotions are shot. These two girls still are waiting for us, but their lawyer has just now said, "let's begin" We have been at this for 1 1/2 yrs!! I have no idea what to do. When God brought them up to me, I was so determined and so ready! When I said, what about the costs? HE said "freely you have given, and freely it shall be returned to you, pressed down, shaken together. . . . " We have had blessings(a great and cheap 12 passenger van! Clothes for girls! etc) But we are feeling so depressed we have about lost heart. I keep hearing "don't be weary in well-doing." But when we gave little Jackson back to his birthmom, we felt it was right, it was the meek, humble and selfless thing to do. But I also felt like, but Lord, what now?? We have always tithed, always given above and beyond to every need we could! Now I just feel as though MY heart has been pulled right out of my chest. We are looking to God for answers, direction, comfort and money. But we just have no idea what HE will do. I keep singing the Barlow girl song, "I believe in the sun even when it's not shining, I believe in love, even when I don't feel it, I believe in God, even when He is silent" So we are in wait and see mode. Listening and watching for His guidance and blessings and peace to show us where to go. If we receive any gifts of money they will go into that adoption acct. We are still hoping to get our girls home. We would like to hope That the little guys birthmom might change her mind, but not sure if it is selfishness or what on that one.
Our email address is
hezra_at_home@yahoo.com
so funny she has called this crazy love. I have been asked most often in our adoption journeys. "Are you out of your MIND?" hmm. Maybe so. Crazy loving is not such a bad thing when it gives a parent-less child a home though. Have a day filled with some crazy, chaotic, sweet loving!

googling grief

2010-03-26T05:28:00.000-07:00

So, I google everything. Cause I am a nerd like that. And because I need to know stuff fast. I wanted to see how to help the kids move along those steps of grief as fluidly as possible. AND according to the 7 stages of grief... I don't know where the heck I am still. I thought maybe I was doing well because I can look at his crib without sobbing, I can see a picture of him and feel only slightly mushy and faint. I smelled the kids shampoo that I had used on him without falling in a heap. But then I have the slight hope she will change her mind again. So that probably means I am still not accepting it, so THAT means I am not trucking through the stupid stages of grief. Whatever. Stupid stages anyway, right?I do know that I have fully accepted the horrible feelings. I have let them wash over me like tidal waves and felt myself falling over and over. I do know I have tried to get us into a semi normal routine, even though what I WANT to do is hide under the covers. The hubster has gone back to work. I have immersed myself in kid-care and the house and laundry.

Yesterday we spent the whole day with dear friends. She is like a sister to me. We both have 5 kids, they have one who came by adoption as well, so we have that in common too. But we have been friends for 15 years. We have been at each others birth and we met them at the airport when they brought Sara home from South America. They asked us to stay the night that night! We are very close. Our kids dearest friends are their corresponding Reids. We hung out and the kids ran over the many acres in the cold windy sunshiney day. There were 10 puppies and 10 kids! Les gave me hugs, hot coffee and a box of kleenex. Then when the hubster got there.(mine) he brought kites and all the kids went to fly them. I will add pics when I get coffee flowing and can remember where the cord and batteries are. I have to say, it was very nice to get out of the house. It was SO good to have friends to go see. It was so good to see the kids so happy. The freedom of flying a kite was kind of nice too. So throw away the seven stages of grief thing, we know what has happened. We are dealing with it, but we also know we need to still see fun and life and friends. So we can't be too bad off.

living truth

2010-03-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

True grace is letting God be strong when we are weak. True faith is trusting Him when we don't understand the reasons. I sure God's hand holds us, but it is so hard to tell that to my head. My heart FEELS His presence, but my head cries out for "fairness" and my own selfish way. True life is feeling the roller coaster of the ups and downs, the waves of pain then the swirls of joy. But right now, I would just like to rest for a moment in His utmost peace. That one He talks about that passes all understanding. I know it, I have felt it before, and even today, I have had moments of it.

Lord grant us your Peace.Help us feel your presence and may your Comforter keep us. May my children not feel that the pain of love makes it an unbearable act. Help them to see the truth of You even in their pain.

sad news

2010-03-24T13:12:00.000-07:00

We could desperately use your prayers. our baby's birthmom changed her mind. The social worker just left with him. She did this in the 72 hr time frame and it is legal. We are grieving, but the hard part is knowing I would have done the same thing. My kids are grieving really hard here. That is a really big part of MY frustration and anger. It is such a shocker, she had not given us nor the social worker any signs of changing her mind. She was stoic and fully determined. Outwardly anyway. But we are entrusting Jackson into God's care. We do know we gave him all the possible love and affection and prayers posible for the little guy in his first few days. We know he is in HIS hands. And so are our hearts. But please pray. I have so much to box up and take apart. I have crying kids. I am a sobbing mess. Even the hubster is really broken. But I also know God works ALL things together for our good. He can make good of any thing at all. Thanks for all your prayers that I know you will send up on our behalf.

Jackson and family

2010-03-24T01:26:00.000-07:00

HERE HE IS!!!

Elijah thinks he is so tiny.

Isaiah and Jackson.

Moriah loves that "my new baby has hair just yike MINE!"

Riley sure is loving his new brother.

Jackson!!

(Olivia is in love)

Jackson is HOME!

2010-03-23T06:04:00.000-07:00

We are home! I am trying to figure out how downloading the pics from my phone goes. lol But for now, this is the picture Dan took of our first meeting. We had a lovely 3 second photo session and then Jackson threw up on me.Hee hee. He is a little laundry maker. He is peeing on everything no matter how well guarded I think we are, he spits up after you finally think the burp session is over. We are learning. I have all his clothes in the dryer now. He slept 5 hrs his first night and 4 hrs last night. He is a really sweet baby and puts up with the noise and chaos here so that is awesome. More later. I really need to find some coffee... maybe I will be more eloquent then. maybe not.

Baby number six!

2010-03-22T00:14:00.000-07:00

oh um ,yeah so I did gasp a little. Cause six sounds like a big number . Lol i am in the hospital. The baby had to have his hearing screening. In the middle of the night?? He is a truly beautiful baby. Yeah I fall for the short,dark and handsome type. He is calm and alert. I can't post pics yet--some stupid law! Whatever! But I am thinking when we check out I will be posting from the hubsters I phone. The papers are signed. We are hoping they will do his procedures early!!! Then we can go home. And his name... Jackson Paul... Have I mentioned he is adorable?

baby boy arrived

2010-03-21T04:36:00.001-07:00

Our lil' fella has arrived. While we were snug in our beds, at 5:15 am. He is 6 lbs 1 oz. Birth mom still says come. We are now looking at traveling. Trying to figure out the how to get there part. It is only a few hrs drive normally, but the roads are all slick.(MAY I JUST SCREAM!!! IT IS SPRING!!!! I have A BABY to pick up!!!!!)

waiting.....

2010-03-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

Well, our case worker has said we wait until tomorrow. They are waiting to see if she will really have it. No progress so far. SO we are packed and ready. AND, My sweet niece and her family will come here and stay with the kids. So we can go alone! Just us!! We will be able to focus and sign papers and snuggle the baby alone for a bit before bringing him home to our loud, crazy family. lol POor lil' guy, hope he is a sound sleeper. I have two little kids who are whining, "but I wanted a baby brudder today!!!" Moriah asked, "can we make it a GIRL baby??" lol, um, nope sorry.
OK while we wait, I am taking name suggestions from anyone. Even your KIDS can get in on it. seriously we are desperate. We are having fun with it here.
I think his middle name will be Paul after my oldest brother. So something that goes well with that would be great.

My younger brother has suggested Shooter, Wayne, and Roscoe.Then nicely suggested Graham as a real option.
The kids are all begging for Jacob or Jake.
The hubster loves Isaac(but we already have an Isaiah!!)and Jacob
I like Judah(Jude?), Matthew(means gift of the Lord), Emmett, Bennett(means blessed little one!)Jack,Wyatt,
My mom has suggested Whit
alrighty.... share your options and we will let you know what we think he looks like when we see him. I am hoping and praying roads clear up a bit tomorrow! Thanks for all your prayers and kind words. They really have helped!

eeeek!!!

2010-03-20T17:30:00.000-07:00

OK Um, BIRTHMOM IN LABOR!!!!!!! We have a few hrs drive and it is really horrible weather. Snow and ice. Pray for us? I have five backpacks to pack, plus me and hubby need bags. Our crib was not put together yet... lol my nest was not quite feathered. But I guess loving arms and excited siblings and a home are the important things. lol I will keep you posted!!!!!!

going to bat

2010-03-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

OK I am just throwing this out there into cyberspace. I have to vent and have no other safe spot to do it other than my blog. I am crying now and have been off and on for the last 24 hrs. I have had to inform people of our new baby news, and understandably they are surprised. I get that. I am surprised. I would expect nothing LESS. What I am shattered by, though, is the quick judgments and harsh words and critical things that have been hurled at me IN surprise. It is so hard to deal with those who love you the most sometimes. When you all of a sudden think differently than they thought you did. I am just going to throw this out there-- WE love kids! We know there are kids who need homes. We KNOW we can't save them all. We KNOW it cost money to raise children. WE KNOW we are not perfect, rich or always stable and consistent. I do NOT see children from outside my genepool as "a gamble", a "blank check" or somehow less than me. And neither does God.
BUT that said.... We are aware of our imperfections. Please for heaven's sake do NOT point them out to us now.
I am so broken right now because the hardest thing for me ever is to feel misunderstood. I feel like people just think I go off and do crazy things without ever thinking them through. I DO!! I analyze things to death.
I don't expect everyone to adopt children. I know not everyone is called to that. And I don't judge others for NOT doing that. I would appreciate the same respect. It breaks my heart that I see a need that God has placed practically IN my lap, and gird up for filling that need, then get slapped around and questioned by people whom I trust with my heart. (um, no not the hubster by the way. lol he is fully in agreement with me on this)
I feel so frustrated that people say "there are so many people waiting for new baby's you shouldn't take him, let someone else." There IS NO ONE ELSE standing up to do it! This is HOW kids get families, someone stands up with papers in hand and says, I will do it!
I feel like we are in a game of life and there are moments when we all have to step up to the plate. So, here we are doing that. With our imperfect selves, our imperfect bank accounts, our less than organized home.... etc etc etc. But we step up and say, WE will go to bat for this one. Why is it so hard for them to understand that? I have no idea.

gratefulness

2010-03-19T19:45:00.001-07:00

Today we have had so much going on as you can imagine. But I am amazed! I have had people calling and texting me all day about things they have for us to use! We have been promised a crib, changing table, some clothes,a sling, play pen. . . I am so grateful for such an outpouring of generosity!! I will probably spend most of tomorrow, getting the baby things and setting up crib and all. I bought just a bumper pad and crib sheet and car seat base tonight that we needed. I am anxious. WE are all nervous! The kids keep making name suggestions. Really funny by the way what a 4 yr old girl can decide for a new baby brother! I am having a very humbling day. But oh so thankful.

Whirlwind!(baby?!)

2010-03-19T07:37:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOSH!! I have news!!! I been praying lately about a subject but not sharing(that is why I have been so quiet!! I knew if I got started here I would be begging for prayers and letting the cat out of the bag!) Our home assessment agency asked us a few weeks ago, if we were interested in a newborn baby boy! (in state) We were unsure, HA! I had just said, whew! we have finally gotten every kid potty trained and starting school and we hsve NO BABIES! We were saying, wow, this is kind of nice. lol
So it was the LAST thing on our minds. I mean how often to people in the adoption world get offered a brand new baby? We have already been blessed with two! We never dreamed another would come. So, we said, we could be open to it. Then the b mom decided on another family. We let it go. Then I got an email yesterday from our case worker asking if she could please share our information with the b mom. We prayed and I talked to a few people, and we said yes. She immediately sent back a reply that the b mom says "start the plans." We had a small glitch about home schooling. She wanted the baby to be in private school. I carefully sent back a respectful email that we would not be changing our home schooling. Then we waited until this morning to hear the reply. WE are ON!!! The baby boy is due the 23rd!! THIS TUESDAY!! We havent had a baby in this house for nearly 5 years! I have to gather crib/carseat and everything in the next 24-36 hrs! lol I am flustered, but in a flurry of excitement. I need prayers!! please? and um, maybe baby name ideas?? We have Paul(my brother) as a middle name possibility... I will update you when we have more news!

Husband hunt???

2010-03-14T11:14:00.000-07:00

My sweet baboo, who is 8, saw the World's richest men list. I was amazed that the 3rd richest man in the WORLD lives in a home he bought for 31,000 in 1958! I think that is incredible. Well, while I am talking about that, she says oh, there is a whole list of the rich men and their homes! Well, yes, they are not all so frugal. She said, ooooh we can find a rich husband! There is one that lives in FRANCE!! I have always wanted to go to FRANCE!!! I said what?? she says, well, we can marry a rich man and live in a mansion! (probably thinking, fill it up with brothers and sisters and fund any adoption we could find!) Well, small problemo there Sweet thing. YOU are too young, and I am too married. lol So, I wouldn't pack for France any time soon.(poor Daddy huh?) Then I notice it shows his age. The young bachelor in question?? Our prime husband candidate?? He is a mere 70. lol Yes I need to counsel my daughter on the things to look for in a hubby. Where have I gone wrong?

Homeschooling in a nutshell(give or take a few words)

2010-03-12T22:22:00.001-08:00

(Olivia memorizing her poem)

(Riley-- he was working so hard)
This week, I was talking with some ladies while waiting for my daughter's dance class to finish up. They asked about home schooling. It sparked a thought that maybe other people want ideas or encouragement about it. I had another mom say, "I like the idea of it, but I just don't think I could do it!
Well, If my crew and I can manage it, I figure anyone could. Of course we could do better in some things. We will be summer schooling to catch up certain subjects. So, we are not perfect, we don't have any genius kids or adults among us. We do get the job done and we (for the most part) enjoy it.
Some may wonder, what do I NEED.
list of basics:
kids
a parent or guardian
library and card
computer and internet access (would be best if at home, but some libraries offer this)
access to printer and copier

With those things you could build your own schooling materials! The internet has so much information and curriculum it is overwhelming. The obvious things to teach are the basics first, reading, writing and math.

*Reading: we used Alphabet Island Phonics for the first three kids and it was wonderful. The 4th kid went through the first book and got NONE of it, but then didnt want to do the same one. I am trying out My Fathers World Kindergarten now for the two younger kids together. But I miss Alphabet Island! I knew how to teach that one. These are both multi sensory learning kits. My Father's world is a Christian focus. www.eagleswingsed.com is where you get Alphabet Island
www.mfwbooks.com is where you get the My Father's world kindergarten.

* writing: There are two types of writing. Handwriting, where one learns the actual formation of the letters and numbers. The BEST is Handwriting without tears! www.hwtears.com The other type of writing is creative writing, or writing for expression. For this, we need to be reading great literature and exposing our kids to lots of different subjects and communicating with them a LOT. I dont even begin this until age ten! I focus on the handwriting and reading to them first.

*Math. ahhh, math..... lol Not my strong point. We tried so many different styles I should get paid to reviews them all. Right now we are loving Teaching Textbooks for big kids. For the littles, I am using simple workbooks from wal-m*art and counting bears, toy money from Meliss* and Doug, and a clock set from Rod and Staff.

*For the other subjects, we love sonlight books and My Fathers world books.I am sort of blending those two!

* For Spelling, we are using All About Spelling, and www.spellingcity.com (AWESOME website!! -- enter their words, and it teaches them, they play games with their words, then it tests them! (if you have headphones for your computer this is great.)

*For readers, I LOVE the McGuffey readers! They are great stories, easy and age appropriate bits of reading. They uphold values and morals we want our kids to know. Lessons our country was originally founded on. Sweet, quaint but real learning.

*For Language, Primary Language lessons, then Intermediate language lessons. Both can be bought from My Father's World.

Art-- Artistic pursuits or Drawing with Children.

* history-- timeline from sonlight!! You enter all important dates you run across on this! It really helps you to see at a glance what things were happening and how the overall picture of history came about.

It doesn't have to cost a fortune to school them. You don't HAVE to get entire packages and sets of things. There are free books online! www.hillbillyhousewife.com has an entire section you should look at for free sites and printables! The main idea is to be with your kids, share the joys of learning, while teaching them how to gather and absorb information. Give them LOTS of experiences and "pegs" to put their information on! Exposure to great books is so key. It really is!! Reading aloud as a family is an awesome thing for building family memories, relationships and developing their minds.
We allow the kids to have an outside subject or activity. One is a baseball nut. Two love drama/theater. Two love Dance. We try to keep this stuff limited. I got in over my head this year trying to get caught up in "socializing" our kids and I am simply running around crazy some days. Know when too much has happened and don't do it again. :-) lesson learned from my own lil' school of hard knocks.

My favorite mom books on the subject:
The Charlotte Mason Companion
The way they learn
For the Children's sake
Dumbing us Down
Honey for a Child's heart
I love to talk about homeschooling! I love talking about BOOKS!!! I love being with my kids and seeing them learn. Home educating can be an awesome thing. (yes daunting too, and overwhelming) This is my first year homeschooling all five. So it is an interesting one so far. :-) I hope though, that we can learn and grow and see even more improvement.
Charlotte Mason said atmosphere is 1/3 of education.(what is our home atmosphere??? lol well, we are working on that)
She said that discipline is 1/3 (habits and training are what she meant mostly, I believe)
then that must mean she meant that only 1/3 was actually the books and teaching!(and even that she broke down-- living books (great literature), school books, art supplies, the outdoors,listening and narrating, music, memorizing, playing, arithmetic... etc.

silly signs

2010-03-11T20:39:00.000-08:00

Okay, we are weird. We know it, but our family thinks it is really funny when signs are out and/or spelled wrong. This was their favorite. Tacky, yes, I know. But my tacky kids and I laughed pretty hard nonetheless. And what is life for if you can't laugh your way through a drive- through every now and then.

Club food

2010-03-07T14:43:00.000-08:00

We have now become a part of a club. The S@ms club. The "buy your food in Gi-normous sizes because you have more than two kids" club. We buy peanut butter in what appears to be a a 1 gallon can, and gatorade, and lemonade and nesquick. ALL in the same size cans. If I can figure out how to wash, and decorate those cans.... well, that will be another craft project blog. Anyway, we bought paper towels in a sz that looked like we could throw a fitted sheet and comforter over it as a guest bed! I am not exaggerating here. And of course triplet ketchups and jelly. Orange juice in big 4 can pack. The possibilities of huge food there is endless. But the biggie(yes, pun intended)... Kr@ft MAC n CHEESE. So the next morning, this is what Moriah wanted for breakfast.

I would say, this is the cheeziest please mommy EVER. (again, full of puns today. But yeah, she is cute.( And don't worry I only made her hold that incredibly heavy box for a few seconds. No children were actually harmed in the shooting of this photo and we ARE doling out the heavily processed macaroni over the course of a month and not, say a single week. Just thought you might need to know that.)

Birthday bash!

2010-02-17T21:40:00.000-08:00

My Isaiah turned six! We had cousin Audrey sleep over, then our plan was a birthday at the cinema! We had not done one, but we had attended one. So this was a new thing for our crew. We only invited my niece Nikki and her kids(she is more like a sister than a niece-- we are only several years apart)her two are the same ages as our youngest two. They are dear friends AND cousins. So in all it would be 8 kids, and 4 adults. Going to see "Alvin and the chipmunks--the Squeakuel"(sp?)
Nik called me that morning(this would be the morning Audrey and Moriah were in my bed but that we got to sleep late) She said," um, can we ride with you? Our van has issues" Now, we have a 12 passenger van. Then we have the mini van. I had hopd to take the smaller version of big family vehicle. But what can you say? We took the gi-normous big old party wagon.(oops THAT pic is on the hubster's phone!)
It was loud, crazy and fun. But did I mention loud?? It was Audrey's first movie.Nova could not figure out why her seat kept going up. Isaiah wanted to go home to see his big gift(a bike surprise). I wanted to NOT offend the others who came to see that movie. But we had a good time. And My Little Bear, is just not quite so little anymore. Six years ago, we brought him home. I had 4 kids ages 6, 4, 2 and a newborn. My first adoption had left me far more emotional than I ever thought possible. I had fallen in love with the first child who came to me without having been born of me. It was miraculous and wonderful and eye opening. I am so grateful God saw fit to make me this kid's mom. He is an amazing fireball of activity. He is bright-eyed(and the only blue eyed!!) and always in motion. He does everything with intensity and spirit. He lives so fully in every moment. He forces you to see that moment too. 6 years have gone by in a whirly swirly tornado of fun.

First sleep-over

2010-02-17T06:26:00.000-08:00

My Sweet Niece Audrey came over for her first sleep-over with us. It was for Isaiah's birthday party. We wanted to take her along but her parents needed to be out of town. So Mi Mi kept Baby Henry and we took her. It was a hoot. MY big guys have dubbed her "the informer" one said, " I am going to kick butt on THIS game" she says(always at top volume by the way) "WE DON'T SAY THAT WORD AT MY SCHOOL-- IT IS A BAD WORD" (um, so that means Daddy says it still, right?? lol) and then, " RILEY SAID HATE AND THAT IS A BAD WORD" ( he hates when the game stops like that) and this was all in the car on the way home. The boys promptly hid out in their room playing legos and transformers and probably saying "hate" and "butt" profusely. At one point she heard "stupid" and "shut up" through the door.(which actually ARE bad words here) so she sort of helped me out. Not gonna lie, it was handy.
We ate a bedtime snack and I put the girls in a bubble bath. Three girls in the tub. Yes it was adorable.
Then pajama time. And reading time. And praying time. And kissing time. Then apparently it is singing time. As I kissed her, she started singing "Just a few more weary days and then...." Then Moriah started singing "it's gonna be a good good night"... aren't they sweet?

As you know, we had the bedroom bylaws going here. Well they have a bedroom issue at Audrey's house too. A new baby means mom and dad are sleepy and Audrey climbs right in their bed. Are you seeing where this is going? put one kid who likes getting in mommy's bed, with another kid who likes getting in HER mommy's bed... what do you have??? TWO kids who patter around at night.(and remember one has volume issues-- and we ain't talking hair here!!) So, at 5 am, I hear "AUNT HEZRA I CANNOT FIND MY SOFT BLANKIE!!!" I was lazy, because I had already been up with them once on a potty party.So I say, "look under the bed, I'll bet it fell." I hear thumps as they run away, then thumps as they return. "NOPE, IT WASN'T UNDER THE BED!" "ok, can you talk softer please? Try looking around in the covers." They, thump away. They thump back both yelling "WE FOUND IT!" I knew this would not go well, we would be up for the day at 5 am. So I said, how about you two lie here on my side? so I moved over, they cuddled in, and we got three more hrs of sleep. Which I needed because that was the day of the actual party. Which required xanax and Midol. But I am pretty sure the kids had fun. To be continued for Birthday Bash.

falling down on the job

2010-02-03T03:16:00.001-08:00

Riley has been unloading the dishwasher for a while now. He is FINALLY doing it well, without complaints and as a routine (and bless his heart about 3 times a day.) This week, we had a casualty. I heard an awful crash. I heard him say, "oh no!" So, I did what any good mom does. I screamed, "everyone ok?" he said "yes, but stay there" heh heh. Not only did I come, but I brought the camera. Because he was saying, "well, mom, I have never lost a dish yet, it is the first one down"(what is he? a DR??) So I took pics of the fallen and the boy. Then I assured him it was ok. It was after all a cheap one. Now, if it had been the pink depression glass. . .

Blurry Bedroom Bylaws

2010-01-30T08:09:00.000-08:00

The nights have begun to run together. My days are a bit of a blur. One night in the middle somehwere, my little girl climbed over my head to get in my bed. Then cried when I said, "come on, back to your bed." Not only did she cry, she held the headboard and screamed. So, I took her back to bed, and sat by her. She was asleep pretty fast in spit of her anger.
Then last night, she fell asleep in her bed, AFTER I read, and after I left!! She was asleep in her own bed without ME!!!! Woohooo! Then when she woke up, it was about 3. She didn't even ask to get in my bed!! She just pulled her blaket and pillow to my floor and lay beside the bed. Then after realizing her bed was cozier, she asked if I would come to her room please. (please??) So, since it is a well-known fact the hubster can sleep in any conditions, I sent him. He got up early though and came to our room, so she once again fell asleep and woke up all by herself. And happy. YAY!!!!!

The lengths boys will go to NOT to do laundry

2010-01-28T21:34:00.000-08:00

This would be my two oldest boys after I said, "which one of you has the most dirty clothes?" They knew whichever laundry basket was fuller(most full?? fullest?? Darn! grammar goes out of my head by 9 pm), would be the unlucky guy doing his laundry today. This was their plan: smash it down as much as possible. They got a moment of bloggy fame, but I won in the end. For all their cleverness... I am cleverer. (cleverest? Most clever --gah!well at least more than those two) I made them both go today. So HAH! Mom's score (again. not that I am keeping score, cause that would just be a wrong and petty thing for a mom to do.)

Night 1 of the new bedroom bylaws

2010-01-28T08:21:00.000-08:00

This is what we want to have happen. (her in her own bed-- tu tu optional)

Okay, night one. Well, the little girl has a cold and sounds terrible. So she knows I feel pity on her. But I was strong! FIRM! I gave her cold meds before bed, I read the Secret Garden to the girls. She was happily snoring in her bed by 9:30. Mission accomplished. She fell asleep in her own bed(step 1).
Then the hubster and I watched a couple of episodes of our favorite sit com on NetFl*x.(by the way, you should check that out! Totally saving us $$ and we can watch some things instantly) Then the little girl comes back out about 11(hmmm early. Well "mess up her midnight habit"-- step 2 ACCOMPLISHED!) So I said, ok, sweet, go back to your bed, I will come there in a minute. She went. I went about 20 minutes later. She was sound asleep! So the hubster and I got to fall asleep WITHOUT HER!!!(step 3 accomplished!!) Then at some point in the night, I wake. Uncomfortable and hearing her cough, snore and snort next to me. I realize I have a foot in my ribs and before opening my eyes realize... SHE IS BACK! (ok so step 4 not accomplished-- the sneak attack still worked) So (not wanting her to pee on my unprotected mattress) I took her to potty, then to get more meds, then to HER BED.Where I lay next to her from 3 am to 8. I woke up in the stupid uncomfortable bottom bunk. Thinking a new mattress??? Maybe THAT would help?? So I got up before her and she woke up in her own bed by herself.(step 5-- accomplished!)
Report? I have a dry bed. The hubster had a few hrs of blissfully alone sleep in a super cozy(dare I say it? Heavenly king sized bed) I am sore, and weary-- I feel as though I were in a fight. But I feel it was a semi successful 1st night. A few of our issues went well. That, my friends, is the update! stay tuned for the next installment. This will be where she wants to know if I AM SERIOUS. And where my weariness will be tested. I might need a nap when the hubster gets home. Then I will be READY for battle... dum da dum dum... (this is what we usually see-- this is MY bed)

Letter to a child- "Bedroom Bylaws"

2010-01-27T06:38:00.000-08:00

Dear little Moriah,
My sweet 4 yr old. My darling tiniest daughter. My "baby." May I begin with telling you I love you with every fiber of my being. I absolutely adore the God of the heavens who brought you to me. I love that you remind me to live, and laugh and dance and sing.
There is, however a problem in our relationship. You must STOP climbing into my bed every night. You have more predictable timing than a clock! Every night at midnight, like some strange Cinderella story, you are running down the hall. Then once there, you kick. You pull hair, you snore(as loud as Daddy, I might add), and you occasionally pee on me. I do not enjoy waking up wet, and feeling abused-- emotionally, physically and psychologically. I have lovingly and willingly provided you with attachment parenting. You lived in the sling attached to my body for your first 6 months. You crawled following my every move for weeks after that. Then you walked at 9 mos and followed me even faster. I have had you near me to bathe, you have followed me to the bathroom.... I have had few private moments. By three you were handing me my underclothes as I got dressed. NOW, we must learn a new, hard lesson. It is called "tough love" my sweet baboo. It does not mean mommy does not love you. Just that I need to be tougher than you. We now begin a teensy bit of DETACHMENT parenting. This will be where you and I no longer sleep in MY bed. So, here are the new Bedroom Bylaws. I understand you are scared of your windows, but we will cover, adorn and block the said windows until they are no longer visible from the inside. You may have a lamp on ALL night long. Even if your sister has to have a spa- like sleep mask.If you have a bad dream, I will lie next to you on YOUR bed. I will pray for you, hold your hand and kiss you. I will not let you in my bed! All naps will heretofore be on your bed, nI hope this has been clear and loving enough. I am now going to order a new bedpad from Overst*ck, because there was a small hole in mine I was unaware of, and your last lake Erie managed to make it through. I also must go spray my mattress and let it air. When we make the bed together (because I know you love that!) please refrain from saying "our" bed? It really will make e feel like you understood this whole new set of rules. Thank you, love you so much, Mama

Please pray

2010-01-20T07:53:00.000-08:00

A family with the last name of Smith lost their ten yr old son, Kolton, in a car accident last week. His funeral was yesterday. Please keep them in your prayers. He was on Elijah's baseball team, so it has been our kid's first brush with death of a young person. I baked bread for the family meal, and must have cried a hundred tears in the process. I wrapped the bread before bed and went to give my kids extra kisses while they slept.Please join me in prayer for this grieving family.

The dance of time

2010-01-17T10:06:00.000-08:00

They say(by the way, who ARE THEY??), that time goes by fast. They say that we will miss these moments with our kids. They also say I should put my kids in public school so I get a break. They say that I will one day miss my kids being little. This is all so weird to me. So confusing. My intent is to soak up every moment I can. Not to smother them, but to enjoy the time with them. My mom always use to say, "let's make a memory." And we did. LOTS of them. Granted, my brother and I have very different takes on them, and we remember stuff mom has forgotten. Sometimes we remembered the wrong part. But the point is, we made family memories. And I don't really think my mom wishes we were little again. I just think she wishes we weren't so busy and we could see each other more now.
But for my crew, even though there are incredibly stressful moments, I love the teaching. The re-learning. The challenges and the changes. It is simply my way. Though not many understand it, it is the choice I have made. I want to teach them at home. This is my way of soaking up the time with them. My intent is to enjoy every possible moment with them, and for me that includes being a part of their learning and their figuring out life and their place in it.
My goal is to snuggle every chance I get, kiss every cheek I can, and hold every hug as long as possible.(all while taking as many pictures as possible) This way, I don't think I will miss or long for their baby days-- just remember them fondly. I know time moves quickly, but I can be just as fast. I will just dance along. So, if you are worried about missing moments with your kids, or that they are growing up too fast-- Don't worry, time doesnt go anywhere if we are soaking up the moments. It just moves and we dance with it. So put on your dancing shoes and get grooving.

(these are Moriah's "dancing shoes" from last year. They were just inexpensive black dress shoes that she decided were tap shoes. She danced,spun, flitted and fluttered until she wore them out. I had to hide them then throw them away because they were so tight they hurt her. But before I did, I got this picture to remind me to dance so hard I wear out my shoes. and yes, I did buy her more. and this year she has her very own REAL tap shoes--which she calls clapping shoes-- and they are very loud. and kind of annoying. but we dance anyway, I just need earplugs, Thank you.)

Bedtime rituals

2010-01-17T08:48:00.001-08:00

Every night we have rituals. We have these crazy routines that we do... they have changed over time. The have outgrown their lullabies and moved on.
They dont want to sit in my lap and snuggle. AND I AM GLAD! They are as tall as me. This is getting crazy! 10 and 12 and they are as tall as me??
The littles dont get arn baths and full body massages like they did when they were babies either(oh to have the life of a baby in this house. I have to say, it is pretty darn good)
So, life changes. We have to change with it.
Riley has begun a ritual of a kiss on the cheek and awkward side hugs.

Moriah still loves her song,
"her eyes are like chocolate, hair like the night, skin like the sand on a warm summer night... she's my beautiful baby girl...." but she whispers after(you know I am not a baby, right?)um, so that may be drifting out too.

Olivia's thing is to say "I love you more" and see who says it first.

Elijah still gives sweet kisses(even though he told me at age three he was too big for other people to see this ritual) and tight hugs. He has never been one for snuggling or singing. But his love runs deep and strong. He is so secure and determined about life and who he is it can be intimidating. But it leaves you feeling lucky you are a part of it.

Then there is Isaiah. His life changes more and faster than anyone I know. If you have ever seen the movie "Dennis the Menace" you have seen my son. He is not really a menace, just a crazy active little boy with a fast moving brain. A brain that moves not as fast as his body sometimes. Well, by bedtime, this can put me into a stupor. A fog sort of. By the time I am getting everyone to bed... I can be a little ditzy. So every night for a whole year, he comes to me(he has begun using mouthwash-- I know he is young but it is the nontoxic type and he can do it well and has supervision by dad) EVERY NIGHT! He comes to me, and I pucker and close my eyes and lean in. Assuming it is the sweet full lips kiss of last year. But no, it is the "my-mouth-is-wide-open-for-you-to-smell-my-breath" move. So I open my eyesto see him and I have matching wide blue eyes and are (again) in this awkward position of my puckered lips are fully inside his wide open mouth. Again.I back away, sigh, and say, oops. I did it again, huh? He simply says, smell!!! with a big smile.(like this is a big surprise) and I sniff, say the regular, "wow! That smells minty fresh! Good job" (meanwhile thinking, we need to have a talk about the dating years)Then comes the sweet puckered kiss and the super tight hug. Then Dad reads to the boys, I read to the girls and we are all in bed. Sort of. Until Moriah wakes about 12:30 and says "mommy, I am scared in MY bed alone" and she climbs in with me and pokes her cold toes under my warm behind. She sighs big and smiles bigger as she wedges herself between daddy and mommy. Making herself quite at home. Then when I am thinking, GAH! I need some space!!!!! She says "I yove you mommy!" And I roll over and say, I love you too honey.

What is at my core?

2010-01-14T21:57:00.000-08:00

I have been doing more cooking this last few weeks. Baking breads and making things from scratch. I have taught the kids a few lessons with it all, and I have learned a few as well. I have been chopping, slicing and dicing. When I chop an onion, I see its many layers. With an apple, it is simply skin, meat, then core.(oh, and some seeds in that) I have always known people are like these two things. Some people are onions, layer after layer of emotion, and thought and feeling. Others are apples(some sweet or some tart maybe) but they have a solid sort of self. What you see is what you get. Neither onions nor apples are bad. Nor are they always good. But they are what they are. And each has a center. The core. I have been thinking so much about who I am. Who I am in God, through Christ... who am I. What am I made of. What is it at my core??
You can figure out a lot about people by judging their fruit.(NOT JUDGING THEM!) What is it that they place top billing in their lives on? What is it that each of us sets as a main focus? I feel regret that there are days that I dont set God as the center. There are days when I feel life has steam rolled me before I can stop to pray! But there are days when I feel His sweet presence and the confirmation of His love... and am awed.
My core is obviously desiring to trust and obey Him, and glorify Him with my words and actions. My core values from there are to figure out myself, makes sense out of and enjoy marriage, and raise my kids to be seeking the Truth for their lives. My hope is that my priorities and actions will actually line up WITH that. May we live authentically, love enthusiastically, and celebrate endlessly.

Things I never did BEFORE children(BC)

2010-01-11T13:38:00.001-08:00

I never had trouble finding time to shower.
I ate slowly and without interruptions.
I slept when I was tired and got up when it was time to go to school or work.
I never woke up in a puddle of pee.
I never woke up with little feet INSIDE my pajama pants.
I had the option of sleeping "au natural"
I never fought a man over who got the Tylenol PM.
I never did rock- paper- scissors to determine responsibilities.
I never knew there had to be systems for every darn thing we did in a day.
BUT to be fair,
I never knew what I was missing:

snuggles in bed with warm cozy bodies
the smell of baby hair
the relief of nursing a hungry baby
the relief of being done nursing
hearing your almost teen say, "mom, you said I could talk to you about anything" then hear him say things that he must have had such a hard time saying(and that I may need therapy to get over)-- but it was normal teen stuff, just awesome he was comfortable enough to talk to ME!!!
having your little one say, "mamas are for lovin"
hearing your kids read to each other and know how to spot good books at the library.
watching a giggle fit from the latest joke
having weekly pillow fights
making bubble hairdos in the bath with your daughters
and, hearing them pray every day for their two new sisters to get here quickly...

Beginnings

2010-01-04T07:23:00.000-08:00

Beginnings always are easy for me. I can dive right in with a happy attitude. It is the midway on that get hard. By the end I am usually saying "ugh, just get DONE!!" I have been this way my whole life. I remember a coloring book at age 4. I hardly finished any of them. I would start this page... then realize my color choices did not reflect my imaginings... and get sad or mad and stop. At age 10 I would bake cookies. I got the first batch out of the oven. ate half, then stopped. leaving the dough in a bowl in the fridge. I HATE baking for no reason! I have done this with countless things my entire life. Mondays I look at with hope! I think, ahhhh a new week. Fresh with no mistakes. Then by weds I am thinking, MY goodness!! WHEN will the weekend get here!!??? I HATE having my lesson plans go awry by weds. I hate not having all the little squares checked off... I know it is a problem. and it is on MY end. I see that and it is one of my aspirations to deal with that this year too. But for now, I am simply aspiring to finish what I begin. If I am hating something, I will walk away for a moment, then come back refreshed or turn on music or something to make that thing better, til it is done. And I will learn to be ok with imperfection. In me, in my projects, my kids and my hubby.... I WILL. Here's to new beginnings! and also to happy (finished) endings

in case you wondered if my tummy always showed

2010-01-01T20:23:00.001-08:00

Yes. almost always. But I will NOT make that my aspiration.lol Showing my belly button more. Definitely only a thing I could get away with at age 5 or 6 tops.

2010

2010-01-01T19:50:00.000-08:00

This would be a picture of me at about age 6. I am wearing an outfit of my choosing and eating not only 1 but TWO hot dogs and sticking my tongue out at the photographer. Not a clue who (but if it was my aunt she deserved it and not even my mom would have spanked me) I am also getting a dirty look from my brother behind me. But I was actually not a bad kid. Just had a wild moment. My hair refused to stay in a pony-tail. I had a too short shirt and my belly always stuck out, and THIS was my thin days. But what I love about this picture is that I was uninhibited and could care less what I looked like. I was happily enjoying junk food with both hands. I was barefooted at the lake and loving life. THIS is what I intend for this year. More moments like this!

We have been sick for a whole stupid MONTH!! The entire month of December!! Now we are finally getting better.(yay!) and I am thinking about the plans for the new year.

I give up on resolutions...I do not get along well with them. I kill them too quickly. They are like houseplants. They look great for a week or so then die sad deaths of neglect. I am choosing aspirations instead this year. That means I don't fail... I simply aspire to do better. My aspirations for this year:( the top one being to aim for a better relationship with God. Obviously any blunders are not on His part, but mine... so I aspire to fix MY end only.)
1. to enjoy my kids MORE and not stress about their safety, behavior and clothes choices.
2. to dance more, sing more, love more and laugh more.
3. to give more.
4. to be myself more. I give up trying to fit other people's expectations and please everyone else. Not that I intend to be intentionally rude or always selfish, but just be REAL and love life.
5. to figure out this crazy little thing called love.
6. to be healthier
7. to bring home my girls!.!! Hopefully in the newer part of the year rather than the later part.
8. to save money by learning to be a better cook.

May our New year be filled with the things that make us happy and help others and share the real love of God.

wedding day Dec 16th 1995

2009-12-09T21:58:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas 2009 !!

2009-12-09T21:29:00.000-08:00

Happy holidays from our crew to yours! May your Christmas be full of peace and joy, and your new year filled with blessings! (((Hugs)))

Making a house a home. (safely)

2009-12-03T21:30:00.001-08:00

I have been using a company's products for 7 years now. Melaleuca.(yes you can google that) I just wanted to share a teensey about what WE have experienced with their products. First, I will say I HATE selling things. So don't think I am. lol really and honestly. I am simply sharing because right at this moment I am sitting here with cotton in my ears trying to fight off what I assume to be an ear infection beginning. To do this, I use a product of theirs. Tea tree oil!! The home remedy for ear infections is so easy and it really has saved us so much money and of course kept the kids from so many antibiotics.
(use a children's medicine measuring cup or other tiny container)
mix :
a few drops of olive oil
a few drops of hot water
a few drops of tea tree oil
* then dab a cotton ball in the mix until it is soaked. Squeeze it out well. Then put in ear(you may have to tear it in half before dipping)
Do this as much as possible and especially at bedtime. Do this at first sign of ear ache if possible. This will kill infection and heal the ear. If you have a full blown ear infection, be sure to squeeze the cotton ball well, because it may sting if the ear is really inflamed. I have had to wait until kids were asleep to put theirs in sometimes.
Aside from their top grade tea tree oil, this company sells home cleaning products that are safe, and non-toxic laundry and dish care. They have the BEST laundry stuff. Really. If you look at their prices though, it may seem expensive, but their stuff is super concentrated. I use 1 TABLESPOON in a large load of clothes and they are super clean. I once got ink out of a new quilt(pale pink quilt) by using their stain treatment and then detergent.
They have safe body care products. Beauty products. PET products. Diet products. dish care products, Nutrition etc. I have to share about their vitamins. I was super anemic after having my third baby. I had colon problems that we could not get a clear diagnosis on. My liver tests were elevated to hundreds of times what they ought to have been. My Dr wanted me to have a full blood transfusion. They gave me iron supplements but my body could not absorb ANY nutrients. at. all. These vitamins have a different make up that allows the body to absorb them quickly and more efficiently than most vitamins. My bloodwork improved very quickly after beginning to take them! They are really amazing supplements.
They have candles which wont emit harmful things into your home air.
It really has saved us money to use this company. It has saved our environment locally by NOT having such harsh chemicals in our home. It has affected MY bloodwork(removing toxins from the home causes my liver to not work as hard), it has given me products I feel good about my children using.(I can have them clean and not worry about fumes or skin burns!) Just today I realized how many of their items are in my daily routines. I was thinking about how much money I have saved, how much cleaner our air is, and about how much better I feel. And I had to share!
www.melaleuca.com
If a person were wanting to buy, they can sign up like at S*m's with a 30.00 fee. Then there would be a requirement of about 45.00 a month to keep the PC or "preferred customer" status. So, look at the PC price. It is well worth signing up, to detox your home, and make you feel better. AND your cleaning will be easier, and your clothes will be cleaner! OH(speaking of clothes!) their laundry stuff is actually helping to keep our clothes looking newer. It does not fade or tear or wear out your clothes. We have clothes that have been passed through family after family... and they last so well.
If you are interested in their products but are unsure about signing up, I can order things FOR you and have them shipped to you, then you can pay me through paypal or check. I would not make anything for this-- just getting you the stuff at my cost.I just want everyone to realize the value and effectiveness of this stuff. I think it could help save lives in fact. I feel very sure it played a vital role in saving MINE. if you have any questions, email me : hezra_at_home@yahoo.com Have a happy FRIDAY!!

BAH HUMBUG!!

2009-12-03T14:47:00.000-08:00

I am so frustrated!!! I cannot stand the icky consumerism one more minute!! AND it is only DEC 3rd!!! I look at online stores and just think, sheesh, really? Do my kids need that? I get emails, and catalogs daily. FREE SHIPPING! 25% off!! BUY BUY MORE MORE..... your kid NEEDS this. Your home can't be without THIS for the holidays.
GAH!! I can't take it! I want a home for the holidays. A home where there is love, warmth, family and friends. Laughing, eating, and lots of reading and snuggling. I want my kids to see that the REAL meaning of Christmas is Christ. Love, honor, respect,sacrifice... Not getting MORE STUFF!!!!
I waded through the boys' room today. It was a MESS. The only toys they have in there are legos. But there are SO MANY! But what do they want for Christmas? a 3000 piece set of star wars lego STUFF! It is not that I do not wish to bless my kids. It is just that I am tired. Tired of tripping over the same toys. Tired of hearing them say, "do you know what I want for Christmas?", and tired of feeling the pressure to buy at every side.
Maybe my Moriah has it right. She said, "mommy? Here is what I want for Christmas. A toy pony, and for Audrey(my niece) to come over. Something to play with and someone to love. Ahhh... if only everyone on earth could get THAT for Christmas!

Thanksgiving 2009

2009-11-26T22:26:00.001-08:00

I am so very thankful for my kids!! They are funny, adorable and amazing little(well ok, some are not so little) people. I feel so lucky to have them!

Riley ( he is 12 yrs old)

Elijah (9 yrs old)

Olivia (8 yrs old)

Isaiah (5 yrs old)

Moriah (4 yrs old)

bunk bed building

2009-11-24T07:32:00.000-08:00

Compromises. Why does life have to be filled with them? Esp in a large family. It feels like we are constantly compromising about something! The most recent was bunk beds for the girls' room. I wanted these adorable white ones with sweet little spindles AND they came with 2 "free" mattresses. But the hubby thought 5 hundred something was too much for said beds. He said we should keep looking. Even though I had been looking for two years for those exact beds at under six hundred. But the mattresses??? Did I mention they were FREE!!?? My usually optimistic hubby became all cynical, scrunched his eyes and said "nothing is FREE-- remember the FREE puppy??" ahem, I think we were talking beds here, NOT dogs. So I looked around online and found free bunk bed/ loft bed plans to BUILD them. It is a basic set. No spindles. But it did look sturdy(very important in my house). The picture showed 6 adults on a top bunk.(I know practically WHEN would that need to happen?? but still it meant STURDY!!) So I asked him what he thought. He wanted to build them. He was excited to build them. I said, if you build it, I will paint them white. It will be our compromise. Here is the breakdown.
The supplies-- 180.00
The plans-- free
The labor-- free but several hrs of building then several hrs priming and painting

This is Dan building them. The boxes were assembled in the garage, then the posts and extras were actually put on IN the room. It is a really heavy set!

This is with the ladder on the end. IT is built. Now ready for painting!

This is the set fully painted and ready to move and get the mattresses on(which WERE free because we already HAD them.)

Moriah's bed! Made and ready for my little Ninja sleeper so she can sleep HERE and not with mommy!!! wooohooooo!!!!!(not that she did not have a bed before. and not that she stayed in it very much the first night, but I keep calling it her "special new bed with high hopes)

awwww, my sweet petite ballerina enjoys her new bed. At least for the super cute photo session.

The finished product is a bed that is simple, takes up little space and works. Not bad for under 200. The ladder is built into the end which makes it easier to build (and did I mention thereby taking up less space?). The girls love it. So that makes this one successful compromise. BUT the biggest problem now? We have to do another set for the new sisters.